One of the best homemakers I have ever known grew up without a mother. She was the only girl in a pack of brothers, and somehow it became clear to her that it was her responsibility to make the house she lived in a home. Without any prompting or direction, she set out to study how to take care of things, how to cook and clean and make everyone feel comfortable. She told me she would visit neighbor’s homes and take notes in her mind as she watched other women go about their daily duties.
I have also met some awful homemakers. After the birth of one of my babies, our insurance company paid for a housekeeper to come in and clean for a day. The young lady that was tasked to help me rudely remarked as she came through the door, “Why did you have all these brats?” and then proceeded to wax worse as the day wore on. My house really wasn’t that dirty, but I thought it would be nice to give the children a break by having someone else wash the dishes for a change. She continually complained, was afraid of work, and then bragged, “I never helped my mom with anything!”
My own grandmother never allowed her children to do much besides washing dishes. She did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. She reasoned that the children would waste and ruin things. The result? Her own daughters were at a loss as to how to make the most basic foods, etc. when they started out in their own homes. My mother still remembers how very embarrassed she felt as a newlywed trying to fix pleasing meals for my dad, especially since his mother had been a marvelous cook!
Thankfully, my own mother allowed me multiple opportunities to help out with every facet of our home life. I cooked, cleaned, laundered, and even packed and un-packed and organized things when we moved. My husband was confident that he would not starve after we had wed!
It wasn’t until I was expecting my 5th child that I woke up and decided to train my children to help out with things around the house. The eldest at that time was only 7 years old, so their participation was limited, but each one could help at his/her level. I taught them to make their own beds, pick up their playthings, sweep the kitchen floor, and load/unload the dishwasher. As they matured, more chores were added, so that, by the time they were ready to leave, they were capable of carrying out almost any task in the entire house and even do basic home maintenance and repairs. Even my boys can cook if they absolutely have to (and they know how to separate the darks from the whites!).
One snooty relative once remarked to me, “I heard that the reason you homeschool is because you want to keep a lot of slaves at home,” to which I retorted, “If I was that lazy, I would send them all to school for free babysitting!”
Here is a truth; it takes as much or more work to train and supervise children to work as it does to do the work yourself. I do not have a sedentary job; I am constantly showing someone how to peel potatoes, or sweep the corners of a room. I have made numerous procedure and checklists, and I have nagged until I have become hoarse. It is not just physically taxing, but emotionally draining to get children to help around the house, and this is where parents can become quite selfish, while they speak as though they are being self-sacrificing.
There is the opinion that children should not be “burdened” as they grow up, but I have found that children thrive on responsibility. A child who contributes to the well-being of the home feels that he/she has a stake in things, and there is a pride and dignity that is developed that increases family unity.
Then, as there are even more demands in adulthood, a son or daughter is never surprised, since he/she has been conditioned to look at life and work as one, instead of growing up with the feeling that responsibilities interfere with living.
