As we raise our daughters, it is imperative that we give them lessons in how to interact with young men as they get older. Girl’s that are left to themselves in this area can easily fall into some troubled waters. Even though my oldest daughter is only 5, we already have lots of little talks about how she needs to trust God for whom she is going to marry. You can’t start early enough when it comes to pointing their little hearts towards God in this important area of their life.
I’ve seen this concept of waiting for God’s best talked about for years in the conservative christian circle. The words courtship, betrothal, and dating only with the intention of marriage have all been used towards this concept. A huge focus on parental involvement is stressed as being of the utmost importance.
It actually can be broken down into a rather simple concept. It doesn’t have to be labeled and put in a box. You are trusting that God has a partner picked out just for you. You are relinquishing control, and surrendering your emotions to God, as well as your hopes and dreams, and giving him full sway in your life.
Purity, instead of split second passion. Commitment, instead of a continual stream of one nighters.
We want the very best for our children. We should desire to train our children to reach for the highest when it comes to finding their spouse and getting married.
I was raised as a child to wait and discover the spouse God had in store for me. I embraced the term courtship, and dreamed of the day that God would bring the right man in my life for me. But I ended up having a little bit different story than what the books portray as being the “right way”.
My father was not opposed to courtship, but he was not at all eager to be the involved father that the books and stories stress you must have. Indeed, when it came down to it, the only person that really knew about courtship and how it worked once I entered into my courtship, was my mother. My future in-laws had never heard of it either, and thought it pretty strange when we started.
The man I had dreamed of marrying was someone who had always been homeschooled, had been waiting and dreaming of me his whole life, and had kept his first kiss for his wife. Who the Lord ended up blessing me with was someone who had been to public school all his life, never even heard of the word courtship until he met me, and had a few girlfriends before me, as well as a few kisses.
Despite all this, I had complete peace when I started my courtship, and the Lord worked out all the details. I’ve been married for 11 years now, and Sean is the absolute best thing God has ever given me!
Do I encourage these obstacles to be present in courtship scenarios? No, not at all. But I do know that life is not perfect, and there are single parents, young people that have made mistakes, and families that have never even heard of the word courtship, yet God can and does work in those situations. May I repeat – God can and does work in those situations. They must, however, be handled with prayerful discernment.
Growing up in the 90’s, and starting my courtship in 2001, I simply didn’t hear stories of courtships where fathers were physically but not emotionally present. My hope is to encourage families where the children might desire to be in a courtship, but the head of the family is not engaged or does not care to be. It is more difficult, it might not be perfect, but in the end you can have a very blessed courtship, and more importantly a blessed marriage.
Press on dear mothers, and encourage your young people to wait for God’s best! The road may be discouraging at times, but I will never regret waiting for the right man and choosing purity.
