I have a confession.
I can’t sew. I can’t decorate. I’m useless at crafting. I don’t play a musical instrument. I didn’t learn how to cook until I was 28. And just as I finally grasped household organization, I had my fourth child.
Before I became a mother, I dreamed of being a productive homemaker, passing down secret recipes, tips, and tools to my daughters.
Being focused on the skills I didn’t have, I resigned myself to the idea that I wasn’t going to be a very good mentor to my daughters or provide them with any practical helpful tools to carry into adulthood. I even entertained wondering if they would’ve been better off with a different mother. I heard many women of my generation share the same feelings, so I knew I wasn’t alone.
But what if I was so distracted by what I thought were the skills of an equipped wife and mother that I completely missed the skills I did possess?
One day, as I was tending to a little one who was ill, I called out to my oldest daughter, “I need Thieves, Frankincense, Lavender, and Mint with Ginger!”
I heard her rustling through the cabinet, envisioning her frantically searching the shelves with confusion. Just as I was about to check on her, she rushed into the room not only with the requested oils and tincture, she also arrived with a variety of others recommended for his specific symptoms. She started to rattle them off, “Here’s peppermint, chamomile….”
“Wow! How did you know what to do?”
“From watching you. It’s like I’m your apprentice!”
What?! Did I indeed posses a skill that I was passing down to the next generation?
While studying botanical medicine intimidated me, I’ve always had a natural leaning towards it. Once I began to learn, I picked it up very quickly and discovered I had an instinct concerning what to use and when.
Having this knowledge and skill has not only saved us money on doctor’s visits but I believe it’s helped keep us well so that we’re able to avoid visiting a doctor altogether. And even at the ages of 8 and 11, my daughters are learning how to create their own arsenal of defense that will undoubtedly be beneficial for the future, especially as we learn more about bacterial resistance.
I’ve also written about my son, who is on the autism spectrum. When we noticed his delays and that something wasn’t typical about his development, I wondered if God had given this boy to the wrong mama; and feeling unequipped, wondered if I was responsible for his troubles.
Days after birthing my third child, I accompanied him, along with my other two children, to the first of several evaluations, watching as the experts measured and evaluated my little boy. Were they also measuring and evaluating me?
But during that time, I realized I had an underlying drive that I believe has helped my special needs children progress to where they are.
As soon as we heard, “There’s a problem, and it’s time to have him checked out,” I jumped into action. I love to research, read, and investigate. Not only did I visit every library in our area, I even ventured to different states. Yes, I know it sounds insane, but we believe that our son has made the progress he has because of my “inner detective.” Instead of wondering if God had given this boy to the wrong mama, I should’ve realized that it was no coincidence that these boys were born into this family. They’re right where they need to be. My knowledge of botanical medicine has also been a tremendous help to them.
No, I don’t know how to sew, knit, or decorate, and I’ve felt unequipped according to the standards I set for myself.
When I set aside my insecurities, wondering if I was somehow ruining my children’s futures–especially as a homeschool mom, I realized that I am equipped. I’m equipped with what I need to mother the specific children I’ve been given. Yes I plan to continue learning those homemaking skills that I want to teach my daughters, but I think we, as women, spend so much time comparing ourselves to the other women around us, that we don’t see who it is that we’re meant to be, and ultimately miss out on fulfilling our unique purpose.
Regardless of the skills you wish you had or wish you could pass down to your children, I believe that the unique talents and abilities you need to mother and rear the little ones under your care are present within you.
Don’t let uncertainty creep in and make you feel like a failure. You’ve been given a tremendous opportunity to reach the world through the impact you’re having within your own home. Embrace your unique qualities, and continue to seek God’s guidance.
