Today we have a special guest post by Stephanie Malcom.
If you have been on my blog for any length of time, then you know that I often remind women that we set the tone for our homes. This is done through our attitudes and actions by speaking life through words of encouragement.
“The wife and mother in a family
often ‘sets the tone’ in the home.
The ‘tone’ God wants her to set is one of joy,
optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family.”
~ Martha Peace, The Excellent Wife {Page 77}
In his song, Speak Life, Toby sings the verse “watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope.” This verse reminds me of the impact that our words can have. Our words can be an encouragement or a discouragement. The very words that we speak can be destructive or a blessing to our husbands and children.
Our words can breathe life into our home or fan the flame that causes it to burn and become destroyed.
I began noticing a while ago that my children had been fighting more than normal. Hurt feelings and unkind words seemed to have replaced the kind words that once lie in their place. I realized that this type of behavior was becoming the norm for my children.
Where did this come from?
Do you know what I realized? My children were acting how I had been acting. My attitude had not been very encouraging, nor have I been as compassionate as I should have been. And as a mother and wife, this is the last thing I intended to happen, but yet it did. My children and husband need a mother and wife that seeks to be helpful, respectful, and kind.
A Heart Can Only Serve One Master
The minute that the door to our heart opens, it becomes an easy entrance for discontent. This provides a foothold for the enemy and allows these feelings to take root in our hearts. A heart only can serve one master. It is not meant to serve two masters.
Our hearts do not have room for both:
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- Encouragement and discouragement
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- Contentedness and discontent
There is only room for one thing at a time. We cannot have holy, Godly emotions; alongside emotions of the enemy.
We have a choice over what we allow in our hearts. Like a gardener planting their crop in the spring, they choose what veggies and fruit they want to eat in the fall. We have the choice over what we want to cultivate in our hearts.
Some Serious Truths About Children
As parents we know the following:
- Children can be disagreeable
- Children can be selfish
- Children are territorial
- Children can be defensive
- Children can pessimistic
- Children can be stubborn
This type of behavior has been described as typical for children due to their human nature. Excusing something because it is human nature does not make it proper. As parents, it is our job to be a role model for our children. We hold the power in our homes to be able to shape and mold our children.
If you would realize just how many other voices that speak to your child throughout the day, you would be amazed. Children are very impressionable. Social media, technology, music, friends, television, and other adults are just a few examples of who speaks to your child.
My children hear things I would rather they did not hear, which makes my job and your job even more difficult. We need to become the stronger voice in their life.
Some Serious Truths About Husbands
As wives we know we did not marry Mr. Perfect, right? We are not perfect either. Marriage is often a compromise. Marriage can be difficult. Marriage can be very frustrating and overwhelming at the same time.
Often we marry when we’re young with stars in our eyes. We feel that the passionate, emotional love we have will certainly last us forever. Soon after the honeymoon, one thing or another will annoy us about our husband. We will get angry. And we can easily become resentful if we do not close the door to those feelings that do not belong in our heart.
We know that has wives, that:
- Husbands can be disagreeable
- Husbands can be selfish
- Husbands can be pessimistic
- Husbands can be argumentative
- Husbands can be disrespectful
Just like in children, our husbands’ behavior can be excused as ‘human nature’ and our less-than-perfect behavior can be excused as the same. We are not responsible for our children’s or husbands’ behavior, but we are going to be held accountable for how we choose to react. We may not choose how they act, but we choose how we act. We will be held accountable for our sins.
Society has been on a downhill slope and seems to be continuing that trend. Divorce is at an all-time high. Children have become more disrespectful than ever before. Drug and alcohol addiction is rampant in society. Suicide rates are high. More young adults than ever today are denouncing their faith and walking away from the church. Many of these problems stem from problems in the home.
Who is standing up for our children?
Who will become our children’s voice?
Who is going to help shape the atmosphere in our homes?
Who is going to battle for our husbands?
Who is standing on the Rock for tomorrow?
Ladies, it begins with us. From the moment our children are placed in our arms, as they begin toddling around, to when we send them to school, to the minute they gain their independence: we need to speak life into their hearts.
Ladies, we are our husband’s biggest supporters, advisors, and friends; it’s time we stand up for them and speak life into their hearts.
HOW DO WE SPEAK LIFE INTO OUR HOMES?
1) Our priorities need to be in order.
- God
- Husbands
- Children
- Ourselves
Once our priorities are in order, things will begin to fall into place. If we look to serving ourselves first, we have made ourselves an idol. We cannot place our husbands or children before the Lord either, for then they become the idol.
This does not mean that we never allow ourselves to enjoy life, or take time for ourselves. Not at all. God is the Creator of pleasure, laughter, happiness, and enjoyment as well; but in proper order.
Remember our parents saying, that work comes before play? It is sort of like that. We must have our priorities straight so that we can live out the will of God.
2) It is Important that Women Realize that We Set the Tones for Our Homes
Mamas and wives, we are the encouragers of our family. We need to speak kindly and gently. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard at all times. It is easy to be grumpy and react defensively if we feel that our time is infringed upon. Society tells us that ‘we deserve to have our own time, too’ and that is only partly correct.
Don’t walk around with a fake smile on your face. Be genuine. If you are frustrated, don’t yell, but instead speak calmly and firmly.
Angry words cause dissension. Angry words are easier than kind words. It takes no effort to speak angrily. It easily becomes a way of speaking for many women, so often our children get used to it and they only respond to the angry tone of our words.
A happy and content wife and mother will have a happy home.
A loving and compassionate wife and mother will have a sympathetic and understanding husband and children.
A mother and wife that is slow to anger and slow to respond; will have calm, cool, and collected children and a relaxed happy husband.
A wise and thoughtful wife and mother are more likely to have wise children and a husband that respects her.
Mamas and wives, it is important that we speak life into our homes.
3) Speak Life
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. (Prov. 15:4)
It is very important that as mothers and wives that we are the encouragers for our home. A simple, affirming word can have more of an impact than we will ever know.
So how do we speak life?
There is no magic formula. Each member of our family is different and with different needs. However, it is important to have this be a daily effort with the intended purpose of lifting up our family with life-affirming words of truth and love.
Here are some ways to speak life into your home.
- Practice forbearance: Treat others with respect regardless of their sins.
- Be humble
- Listen to your children and husband
- Remember that you are not responsible for their sin, but you are responsible for your reaction.
- Learn how to Speak Life into Our Homes through words of affirmation.
Mamas and wives, it is important to stay focused. Stay diligent at that task before us. Our homes are so very important, especially who lives under our roof. We are more than maids, more than chauffeurs, more than what society has us pegged as….we hold a very special responsibility within our hearts: to be the encouragers of hope, joy, and peace.
Stephanie, Training Keepers of the Home
Stephanie is the blessed help meet to her husband Brian of almost 20 years.
Once she left the public school setting to become a homemaker, Stephanie has wholeheartedly pursued being a wife and mother to their five girls and one boy; and one boy in heaven waiting.
She considers her calling to be a ‘keeper at home’ and is passionate about sharing and teaching others on marriage, parenting, homemaking, growing in their faith, how to be frugal, and how to be healthy.
After the loss of her son, David Cooper, Stephanie became a published author and has since continued writing on her blog, Training Keepers of the Home, where she seeks to encourage and equip women in the areas of Biblical Womanhood and Christian Homemaking.
