When I miscarried in 2000 and 2003, my children were too young to know what had happened. However, when I miscarried this past Thanksgiving and again last weekend, most of my children and especially my daughters are well aware of what is happening.
And they grieve.
I think perhaps my daughters grieve even harder than daughters in another family might because they remember well the death of their little sister, Emily, in 2008. My children are no strangers to tragedy.
Yet, to an outsider who does not know our story, my daughters look like joyful, well-adjusted children. The truth is…they are!
Certainly, they have cried over the death of their sister and certainly, they have mourned our recent miscarriages, but I believe these experiences will shape them rather than break them.
Children take their cues from their parents.
How you view life and children, miscarriages and crisis will directly translate to how your children see those same things. If you actively live out your life based on the belief that God is in control, your daughters will not fear their childbearing years, they will go into them knowing that God has a particular plan for them.
A mother’s weakness gives children a chance to minister.
The home is the first place young people learn how to serve others. It is the place they learn to perceive others’ needs and meet those needs. A mother who is not well for a time, is not necessarily a detriment to the household if during that time the family comes together to minister to her needs and learn invaluable skills in the process.
The parents steadfastness shows the child what matters most.
My children know they are blessings because we embrace every blessing that comes our way, even the ones we do not hold here on this earth. There is no question in their little minds that we see them as precious gifts.
We don’t hide the truth.
Miscarriage hurts. I cry. A lot. I don’t want to scare my children by not telling them why Mommy is sad, so the door and the dialogue remain open. I need them to be able to come to me with their thoughts and hurts and I need to be willing to share my own. No, I don’t believe in unnecessarily burdening a small child with adult pain, but hiding the truth only serves to shock and wound them later on when they realize there was a piece of their lives no one told them about.
One resource I highly recommend for helping both children and adults understand miscarriage and God’s faithfulness in and through it all is this CD from Vision Forum:
This CD (which also comes in DVD form) helped me to maintain a correct view of life even amidst my own anguish over our losses. It came at the perfect time.
There will be an impact on your daughters if you ever suffer a miscarriage, but the impact does not have to be a negative one. May we never live a life of fear and defeat for we have victory in Christ!
