Last week, I took my daughter out on a date. I didn’t tell her where we were going, only that she would love it.
We said good-bye to Daddy and her siblings, made a quick stop for yummy drinks, and then pulled up to the movie theater. Movies aren’t generally something that we go out to see, especially with the offerings in the theaters these days, but I just couldn’t resist this particular night… we paid, found our seats and sat down just as the old classic The Sound of Music burst upon the screen and my delighted little girl squealed to see her very favorite movie in a theater.
Just her and mommy.
{And yes… she sang along to every song. I have to confess that even I found myself humming along. Wouldn’t you?}
That night, I had plenty of other things that felt really important to be doing once the kids were in bed, but I sensed that she was in need of some extra mommy-lovin’ and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to spoil my sweet Abbie.
Before you assume that I must be some supermom, who is always attentive to her kids, never says “mmm-hmmm” when she’s not really looking or listening, spends hours of quality time with them each day, or the like, I’ll burst that bubble. I’m not that mom.
I struggle with ditching my to-do list in favor of just being with my kids. I often live my days as if accomplishing things were more important then being fully present. Learning to prioritize being relational above doing things is a constant challenge, and yet, it is one that I recognize to be well worth the time, effort and the steep learning curve that it is for me.
She must have thanked me 6 or 7 times alone, before we even left the theatre, and then again as we drove back home and I tucked her into bed that night. It obviously made her feel cared for, noticed, cherished and exceptionally loved. I even noticed some improvement in her general attitude over the next few days. It’s amazing how far a small gesture like that can go.
It’s not like we don’t spend a lot of time together in our regular day-to-day routines: in the kitchen, cleaning together, doing homeschool, gardening, driving places, at mealtimes… and as valuable and crucial and enjoyable as those things are, sometimes they just can’t hold a candle to that precious one-on-one time.
As I watch some of my friend’s daughters grow older and into their teen years, it seems that those who have been able to keep a close watch on their daughters hearts and keep those lines of communication openly flowing– they are the ones who continue to have a beautiful relationship with their daughter, where there is trust, vulnerability, honesty and still a great measure of influence. Their daughters respect them and want to maintain the relationship, not because they feel like they should, but because they genuinely delight in being close to their mother.
I didn’t have that growing up. How I longed for it. And now, how desperately I want it for my own beloved daughters and for myself. The bond between a mother and daughter can be precarious at times, and yet it is so very precious and worth fighting for every step of the way.
These one-on-one times don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to be elaborate. You don’t even have to go out anywhere.
It could be taking 10 minutes each night to sit on the end of her bed and discuss the day or pray together. It could be time for a cup of tea while siblings are napping or otherwise occupied. It could be an after-dinner walk or a leisurely stroll through the garden. It can sometimes even happen while running errands or doing necessary tasks like shopping (did you know that grocery shopping or a post-office run, just you and mommy, is extremely exciting when you’re 6 years old?).
It simply needs to say, “I love you. You are so special to me. I enjoy talking with you deeply and knowing who you are. I’m your mother, but I am also your friend and confidante, and most of all, I am 100% for you.”
How do you make one-on-one times with your daughters happen? What are your favorite things to do together?
Image by daveparker
