Our sweet contributor, Stephanie, is sharing today:
How I Learned Not to Be Selfish in My Marriage
They say that experience is the best teacher, and that is one of the very reasons why I blog on the Titus 2 platform, so I am able to teach my readers and followers not to make the same mistakes that I have in the past.
I have made mistakes in life. Some I can now laugh at and then there are those that still make me cringe.
One cringeworthy mistake stands out more than the rest, which involves my husband and I on my birthday many years ago.
Birthday Celebration Selfishness
I expected my husband to recognize the fact that it was my birthday through words or actions.
But when he did not do that, I felt that he was not ‘doing enough’ and started to tell him so.
I tried making him feel guilty for working outside and not making me feel special because it was my birthday.
Yeah, yeah, I know. How ungrateful, right?
Four Tips for a Holy Marriage
Bad Attitude Birthday Girl
As the day progressed my attitude increasingly got more bitter and angrier. My tone worsened and I was certainly not respectful towards my husband, who continued still was treating me with respect.
I was being unreasonable and extremely selfish.
Fast forward to the end of the day when we ended up at our friends home for a get-together.
It was at one point during our visit that my ears perked up to the sound of a “Happy Birthday” chorus being sung.
It was then that I noticed a Dairy Queen ice cream cake had been produced in my honor.
I came to the realization that my dear sweet husband had organized this birthday treat for me in honor of my birthday.
The events of the day came flashing through my mind. My attitude stunk and now I was immediately regretting my behavior and attitude.
Instantly, I was humbled.
Because our budget was exceptionally tight at this time in our marriage, any purchase that was not budgeted was extremely extravagant.
Yet in my prideful state, I still expected something for MY BIRTHDAY and treated my husband terribly when it appeared that he did recognize the fact that it was MY BIRTHDAY!
If you have ever heard of the term, ‘eat crow’ then you know exactly how I felt that night.
You may be interested in this post on respect in marriage.
Bitter Taste in My Mouth
Eating the cake did not feel right.
Celebrating my birthday did not feel right.
Because I wanted to be back in the good graces of my husband again, I could not wait until the night was over so I could seek his forgiveness and restore the damage I had caused.
Lessons You Can Learn From
Upon arriving home, I began asking for forgiveness from my husband.
And since then that experience has taught me several lessons over the years.
- Don’t assume you know what your husband is thinking based on his actions.
- Treat your husband with respect. All.of.the.time.
- Forgiveness is good. Always choose forgiveness.
- The focus should never be on oneself, but the other. Be selfless, not selfish.
Humbled Still After All of these Years
So here I stand many years later and the very thought of this memory still makes me cringe and recoil in horror that I acted in such a way.
Thankfully, my husband is a forgiving man and we were able to move on.
Every birthday my husband and I mention that one birthday that serves as an ugly reminder of my selfishness that day.
And here I am now to tell you that in marriage there should be no selfishness or self-serving attitude. The needs of our husband shall be put before own needs. We become more Christlike when we become selfless, but the attitude must begin in our hearts.
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12 KJV
Ladies, I am speaking from experience here when I say that you must keep control of those emotions and stay diligent about not becoming bitter or resentful in your marriage.
Until next time….
Stephanie, Training Keepers of the Home
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33, KJV
Stephanie is the blessed help meet to her husband Brian of almost 20 years.
Once she left the public school setting to become a homemaker, Stephanie has wholeheartedly pursued being a wife and mother to their five girls and one boy; and one boy in heaven waiting.
She considers her calling to be a ‘keeper at home’ and is passionate about sharing and teaching others on marriage, parenting, homemaking, growing in their faith, how to be frugal, and how to be healthy.
After the loss of her son, David Cooper, Stephanie became a published author and has since continued writing on her blog, Training Keepers of the Home, where she seeks to encourage and equip women in the areas of Biblical Womanhood and Christian Homemaking.
