For most of us we are doing things differently than our mothers did, meaning that we desire to live the Titus 2 life of being at keeper AT home, not a keeper OF the home.
Most of us spent our childhood in the government schools, day-cares and were latchkey kids, which left little time for the most cherished and longed for relationship between mother and child, and even less time for the teaching of practical skills. And that is a big part of why we are so passionate about our duty of being a wife, mother and homemaker. That is why we will sacrifice and beg God to pour out his grace on us and our family, because we long to redeem and reform our family and our culture. The breakdown down of the family structure, designed by the Creator, is a major factor to the decaying society around us.
As passionate and diligent as we mothers are, some of us may end up with children who do not catch the vision, that do not understand the importance of bringing every area of life in submission to the Lord. It is frustrating for us passionate mothers, but I challenge you to remember a few things:
- First and foremost, whether they ‘get-it’ or not, it does not excuse you from your duty to teach it.
When they are resistant it is easy to throw your hands up and say, ‘what’s the use?’, but you must remember that your responsibility, your faithfulness is to the Lord, and that you can not base your obedience on someone else’s obedience. You sow, you water, you weed, but the rest is between them and the Lord. God alone gives sight to the blind.
- When they resist don’t take it personally.
Again, it is very frustrating when they don’t ‘get-it’, it makes our job so much harder, especially as we ourselves are most likely learning new skills and new way of life along with them; you want them to be passionate too, and in all reality, many of them will not be. You can NOT take this personally. It is something the Lord has to reveal to them, and it may take years. Once you realize that their resistance is not a personal attack on you, you are more free to be long-suffering, patient and filled with grace…and you may even be able to smile at them. 🙂 Remember how long-suffering the Almighty is with us!
- Hone in on their interest and build from there.
Find something that interest them and try to nurture some desire from that point, maybe it is baking rather than cooking? Perhaps they have a talent in decorating or organization? What about helping with the couponing and shopping? Are they the outdoor type? What about gardening and canning?
- Limit foolishness and self-seeking activities.
How is their time spent? Consider the time that is spent away from home, usually participating in sports, clubs, lessons and just hanging out with friends. And then there is the mental and emotional away from home in the form of texting, phone and computer, and I would also include unlimited hours of time spent in fictional books. Why would they desire being AT home, learning to make home, when they can be esteemed, have their ego stroked and be ‘popular’ among peers? Can they have a heart for home if they are never at home? Being a skilled homemaker takes discipline. Being a homemaker is mostly ignored and mocked in our be-all-you-can-be society. I highly suggest limiting activities that boost their ego and dependence on peers, and even more so the tuning out of the real world where they actually live, but replace that with skills and relationships that will equip them with self-confidence to be a well rounded adult!
- Regardless of their level of desire, they have duties, that is just life!
As I said, being an efficient homemaker takes discipline, and until they take hold of the vision for themselves they still have to do the duties. I told my 12 year old daughter one day when we were disagreeing about the skill of quilting, “I don’t care if you enjoy it, and you do not have to do it in your leisure time, but I do want you to BE ABLE to do it.” There is duty for duty’s sake, and then there is duty for delight’s sake, our goal is that one day our resistant daughters will grab hold of the delight that can be found in the duties!
- Sometimes it takes being thirsty before they will drink.
I had a resistant daughter. I would not say that she was rebellious, but homemaking skills were not high on her list of delightful things to do, but THEN!!! 🙂 Last summer a wonderful young man came into our lives with the intentions of taking her as his bride. It was the most hilarious, yet joyful and rewarding thing for me to step back and watch her make up for lost time. She was cooking all the time, she got serious about homemaking…I could go on and on, because now, after years of me leading her to the water, she was thirsty.
My resistant little girl, who will turn 19 next week, was married last weekend, and she is finding much delight in her duties as a wife. Thankfully she has the basic skills to build her home and her marriage on. She is drinking from the Fountain of Life and embracing her duty to be a joyful keeper AT home! Praise be to God.
