Are You A Homemaker Living Like A Feminist?

by Jennifer on March 17, 2016 in Faithfulness, Home Culture, Obedience, Purpose, Self-control, Standing Firm

There are 2 Biblical objectives to speaking truth.  Truth is to be spoken in love.  Truth is to be proclaimed.  Stick with me as I attempt both by asking the question:

Are you a homemaker living like a feminist?

A feminist is one who believes in equality and expects her man to pull his own weight around the house.  This is not a woman who commonly sees the home as her domain and joyfully offers her service day in and day out.  Are you a homemaker living like a feminist? 

A feminist makes her own choices in how she lives her life.  She has no headship, even though she may be married.  She does not defer to a husband, unless she feels it to be in her best interest.  Are you a homemaker living like a feminist?

A feminist believes she has no limits because of her gender.  She can bring home the bacon, and fry it up in the pan.  She reminds her daughters too that they can have and do anything a man can.  She believes women have rights to the best seat in their own house and in the White House.  Are you homemaker living like a feminist?

A feminist is not a servant.  She may bring you what you ordered at the local eatery, but this does not extend into her home.  She is not the one to cater to her husband, serve him daily or feel that it is her duty to do so.  Are you a homemaker living like a feminist?

A feminist believes that she doesn’t necessarily need to be the primary caregiver to her own children.  Any nurturing, skilled adult can rear her little ones while she is out living her dream.  Are you a homemaker living like a feminist?

Feminist Vs. Homemaker

A feminist is on the opposite spectrum of the Christian homemaker.  She is a woman who sees no reason to submit to her husband, raise her own children or keep herself at home tidying shelves, coloring with toddlers or baking cookies.  This in fact would be regression in her eyes.  We’ve come so far.

A Christian homemaker, on the other hand, delights in following God’s commands, judgments and statutes.  Her reasonable service is to give to her family as unto the LORD and daily present herself as a living sacrifice for the good of her family.  She does not usurp authority and is commonly diligent in good works.

There is an incredible and very noticeable, night and day difference between the woman who is a Godly homemaker, and the woman who has a strong feminist mindset yet spends her days at home.

Conditioning Your Mind

Renewing your mind begins with God’s Word and an active commitment to not being conformed to this world.

You simply must know what the Bible says in regards to the woman’s role.

And once you do know it, you need to believe it, act on it, and live it.

You also may need to make a few changes.  What is getting in your way of being a Christian homemaker that thinks like a Christian homemaker? 

You will have to answer this question yourself.  It is imperative. Once you have that answer, make the changes, or begin to work towards it:

  • Do you need to quit your job?
  • Give up your home business, your blog?
  • Do you need to stay home more and scale back on some activities?
  • Do you need to let your mother’s helper go and begin to do some of the work yourself?

If this all feels familiar to you, take some time to reflect on your worldview and your accompanying actions.  As the saying goes… “If the shoe fits.”

As women of God we simply must review our mindset from time to time.  We must take the LORD at His word and know that the enemy only comes to seek, kill and destroy.

What he is destroying is a Biblical heritage of femininity, and the peace that comes with knowing God’s will for your life in your given role as a woman.

We must know truth.  We must proclaim truth.  The truth will set you free.

pinterest homemaker feminist sm

*Update:  If you would like to read my full response and addendum to this post, you can click over to: In Response to: Are You a Homemaker Living Like a Feminist?

Jennifer

Jennifer is the cherished wife of a visionary man, and a mother of 11 children. Her deepest desire is to consistently love her husband and children, and to be a diligent and joyful keeper at home, all for the glory of God. She is passionate about encouraging fellow housewives in their highest calling of wife and mother. She and her family produced Homemaking 101 and 201, DVDs for Christian wives and mothers. She can be found blogging at The Focused Homemaker.

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{ 62 comments }

Melissa March 17, 2016

This article is exactly on point.
I know a lot of homemakers who are actually feminist and have their husbands and caretakers to a lot of the work.
I am a homemaker and I believe my children are my responsibility and we have no other caretakers. I also go toy husband for all the final decisions. He works outside the home and I stay home and raise the children, clean the house, and cook the meals.
The law goes God, husband, wife, and then children. So we take care of the kids and we leave the husband higher than ourselves.
This is the law of God and is what must be obeyed.

Tessey March 17, 2016

Jennifer,
Am so thankful for your writing! Because I am aware of your beliefs I personally don’t find fault in your article. We are human and it is hard to remember not to become of this world. I personally find that ones reaction has to do with their current mindset. Remembering that God is love and rational thinking of what a writers intent may be should be of the forefront! Therefor I am blessed!

Anne Garboczi Evans March 17, 2016

I don’t think there’s anything Christian about trying to do 100% of the housework and there’s certainly nothing Christian about doing 100% of the child-rearing. Kids need involved daddies. And God calls us to be good stewards of money. If dad and mom making a paycheck is what keeps the bills paid, that’s a good thing.
Being a Christian mom isn’t about who washes the dishes or whose name is on the paycheck. It’s about teaching your child about Jesus’s love and a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

I’m dismayed. The post didn’t say wives must do 100% of the housework and child-rearing 100% of the time. It didn’t say kids don’t need daddies. It didn’t say we shouldn’t pay our bills.
Perhaps read just what is written. Perhaps you’re convicted.

Anne Garboczi Evans March 17, 2016

I hope I didn’t offend you. That was not my intent. As a mental health counselor, I do believe there are many psychological benefits for young children (infants and toddlers) to have a primary caregiver rather than spend long hours in group environments such as daycare where less individualized attention is available. But I don’t think that’s a Christian concept. That’s a developmental age and stage debate. When we add things on to the gospel such as women should be stay-at-home moms or dads should be the wage earners, we dilute the gospel and take away from the message of Jesus. Many religions, Islam, Mormonism etc. encourage women to stay-at-home or some idea of gender roles. Only Christianity teaches that the one and only God of the universe took on human flesh and died on the cross so that we could be saved by grace alone.
Galatians is an excellent book about the dangers of adding things on to the pure and undiluted gospel of “grace alone.”

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Oh gosh, no 🙂 No offense.
I would have to disagree though that a primary caregiver isn’t a Christian concept. Everything started with God and His initial “setup” of the world. He instituted marriage and motherhood….so, it is first a Christian concept.

You’re right, we should *never* add anything to God’s amazing grace! And I agree, many other religions, if not all others, are works based.
Full time homemaking isn’t a salvation issue though. So saying that women should be homemakers and raise their children and that men should be the bread winners is adding things to the gospel of grace is… well it just isn’t the same. Grace and salvation are one thing. Homemaking and motherhood another.

We are to follow God’s commands in all areas (see Titus 2). When we neglect our family and home, and live out a feminist mindset, we are in danger of blaspheming God’s word. Dangerous ground.

Teaching proper, Biblical gender roles is not only *not* diluting the gospel, it is pointing back to it.
Blessings!

Gabrielle March 17, 2016

I have to disagree with you also. Because God the Creator is a God of order. And He has given His order for families to follow. A husband is the bread-winner, a wife is the homemaker, and caretaker of their children. It is very clear in the Word. We are sending mixed messages to our children if we can both be the bread-winner and the homemaker, depending on what we decide works best for us. Then what’s the point of His order ? We don’t get to make the rules, He does …whether we like it or not.

Thanks, Jennifer for speaking on this truth! It is encouraging. God bless you.

Gabrielle March 17, 2016

Oops, I am disagreeing with Anne G Evans, btw.

Marg March 23, 2016

I’m curious, Gabrielle. Where is it “very clear in the Word” that a husband, and not a mother, is the bread-winner?

Kendal March 18, 2016

Amen!

Suelight July 9, 2016

Marg ,

Here are a few verses on the husband’s role of provider of the family. Please don’t take my response as a slight. I am just answering a question that you posted.

” But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ” 1 Timothy 5:8

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. ” 1 Cor 11:3

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ” Ephesians 5:25

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. ” Col 3:19

Emily Johnson March 17, 2016

I’m a conservative Christian SAHM of six and I think you’re way off course on this. I understand the intent of this article, I also disagree with most modern ideas of feminism. However, you’re basically arguing that if a mother needs a little extra help around the house, she’s somehow failing in her role. That statement is not only wrong but also incredibly damaging and destructive to a young struggling mother. Have you so easily forgotten the early years when your many children were young and you felt like you couldn’t make it through another hour, much less another day?? Also, while I believe that a married woman’s ultimate calling is being her husband’s helpmeet and a mother to her children (should God bless her with them), there are clearly instances in Scripture where women have had other God-ordained roles.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Hi Emily,

There just isn’t any indication in this post that I’m suggesting a wife is failing if she takes help from others. I know from years of experience that if you’re feeling overwhelmed at home, it typically isn’t because of small children and laundry, but because of distractions we’ve let slip in and maybe a lack of training and lack of knowledge of what the wife is to do. All reasons I poured hours into creating Homemaking DVDs for struggling mothers. My heart goes out to them and I long to see them thrive.

This post is for that. We MUST begin to think correctly about Biblical womanhood. There has to be truth written. Feminism has done such great damage that a post like this is considered harsh.

Emily Johnson March 17, 2016

Jennifer, I promise you that even if I had zero interaction with the outside world and zero distractions from Facebook and other sources, I would still feel overwhelmed and defeated on a daily basis. It just goes with the territory of having many young children! (Mine are 8, 7, 5, 3, 2, and 4 mos) Life IS hard, no matter which way you look at it and you cannot shame mothers for needing a break or a little extra help from their husbands or a mother’s helper. Yes, sometimes too many activities are to blame for stress and frustration, but not always. You obviously think you’ve found the answers to everything and I’m glad that’s working for you, but every family is different and the Bible does not support your idea that there is ONE method that works for everyone.

Tiffiney March 30, 2016

Hi Jennifer! Firstly, thank you for this post. It really kicked me in the back-side because I was truly convicted on your first 3-4 points. Ouch! Secondly, thank you for being brave enough to write it! I care a lot about being a better wife and mom, but I find that I have to get a lot of feminist propaganda out of my mind…even after being a Christian for over 20+ years!

I know that you are coming from a really good place in sharing this, but I must admit that I came to the same conclusion as Emily about you suggesting that a wife getting help is failing in her role. This is because of your “let your mother’s helper go and begin to do some of the work yourself?” comment.

Anyway, I see that you cleared that up below. And thank you for doing that. But in your response above to Emily about it you said that she is most likely overwhelmed because of the distractions she has let slip in – and not because she is a mom of multiple small children, etc. Ouch! That was a pretty “interesting” response, to say the least. One which I hope you recanted in your “official response” to this post (which I have not read yet).

However, I truly believe you heart is in a good place and that you’ve put so much truth out here in this post, that it is OK to stumble on a point or two. We are all human. And you are brave (and loving) to write such things to help guide Christian woman. There is no way that something like this can be written without ruffling some feathers. My aunt always said: “Eat the hay and spit out the stubble.” Well, you’ve offered a lot of hay here. Thank you!

Tiffiney
WelcomeHomeMinistry.com

Jennifer March 31, 2016

Thank you for your encouraging response, Tiffiney. I agree, take the meat, spit out the bones. I wasn’t writing to anyone specific, yet some feel as though I singled them out.

Often, being overwhelmed comes because of a lack of knowledge about efficient homemaking, from laziness or distractions. Having many small children is indeed a challenge. I know, I’ve been there. It isn’t something that should cause utter overwhelm though.

Also, a lack of Biblical encouragement for young wives with many small children can cause discouragement. I’ve experienced that as well. It is still possible to live a life unto the LORD though, with joy and not feel overwhelmed even amongst many littles. My heart goes out to young moms, it’s a difficult place to be in, in today’s selfish culture.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

My intention was never meant to shame. Ever. It is always a challenge to bring up feminism, it’s damaging effects, and the suggestion to think a different way in a world that is saturated with the beliefs. I’m sorry you took issue with the comment about a mother’s helper. If you need one there is no shame in that. Our older daughters have helped other young moms in our local area and I’m thankful they are able to do that. There is so much physical work involved when all of your children are young, like yours are. It is also such a sweet and precious time of life. They will never all be young at one time again.

I haven’t found the answers to everything, no one has 🙂 The Bible commands women to be busy in their homes and care for their own children and submit to one man. This is why I write what I do. The LORD promised trials and said that we are to work. Work is good and caring for a home, husband and children are good. Is there an area that you are struggling in, in particular?

S DLP March 17, 2016

I am in agreement with you, Emily. As I read the article, I felt the tone was condescending and many of the ideas bordered on legalism. I have directed many young moms to this site (especially for the link-ups), but I think they would feel so discouraged by the shameful tone. No, this is not coming from a convicted heart as almost all of what was written aligned with the way my own personal story has played out. But we all come from different paths and need to give grace.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

It is a fine line between being condescending, and being forthcoming. If it seemed condescending, I do apologize. It was written to cause women to ponder their actions, and hold them up against scripture.
Can you tell me what I wrote that bordered on legalism?

Flicka March 20, 2016

This article is NOT condescending! I see in it a strong warning, almost a desperate warning. I have had to deal with so many people that refuse to follow Gods word as it is written. I too didn’t follow it when I was young and now I pay the price. I have a child that is on an ugly path to hell.

This article is pouring out warnings to keep our homes intact from Satan’s destructive, subtle, ways. Yes, if we can afford handmaidens now and again that is okay. But many times women get the handmaidens to do more than their share and they become lazy. I had it happen to me a few times when helping women in their homes. The more I did the less they did and they wandered about in pursuit of nothingness.

Be glad this writer cares about your home and children!!!! Be very glad!!!! I never had this when I was a young Mom. I had a feminist mother that threatened to kill me at times or adopt me out. I was not a bad girl. I was in her way of what she wanted…a career. She finally got the nursing career and would not follow the rules and got dismissed from nursing forever. She wanted NO authority over her.
The article is NOT legalistic. Hindsight wants you to know this woman is absolutely correct in giving great warning to us.

Melissa March 17, 2016

This is SO good!! We are a confused generation who does not have our WHOLE heart, WHOLE soul, WHOLE mind, and WHOLE strength focused on loving and obeying God’s commands. We are a generation that calls it a “calling” when we FEEL like we want to do something, rather than shining God’s Word as a light so we see the path HE intends for us to take. And I used to be a distracted homemaker, and honestly I wanted to be distracted. I did not see value in what I do at home. Now I see the ETERNAL value!! May we work in our homes as unto the Lord, and know that this work reaps eternal reward and is a sweet smelling aroma to our Lord!!

Emily Johnson March 17, 2016

Praise God I’m actually in a good place in life right now. My oldest daughter is a huge help and truly a joy and blessing from God. The baby and toddlers are incredibly challenging most days but I have a very understanding husband who helps when he can and never complains about the basket of clean laundry not yet put away or the piles in our bedroom. Mostly I struggle with lack of sleep and therefore lack of energy to stay productive all day long. I also struggle with the fear of getting pregnant again before I “feel” ready. Pregnancy is like a 9-month prison sentence for me despite the joy of a child at the end and I am desperately praying for another non-fertile 6 months before we are blessed again. 😉

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Oh my Emily!

I know just how you feel. I struggled with a lack of sleep for yeears!! Years! Finally now I’m able to sleep through the night and it makes the biggest difference. Definitely allow for grace in your life. This may be so hard now, but it does get easier, and these little years go by so very quickly.

I often prayed the same thing relating to pregnancy.

Hang in there, you are building a foundation right now, and laying it can be hard work! If we lived near you I’d send my oldest (at home) daughter to help for the day 🙂

Sorry for the misunderstanding!

Anne Garboczi Evans March 17, 2016

FYI there is absolutely nothing in the Bible against birth control. If you don’t feel ready to be pregnant, do your husband and existing kiddos and yourself a favor and use birth control. I grew up with many families who felt morally convicted to be quiverful then later regretted it. God doesn’t demand you produce a certain number of kids.

Christina @ Martha, Martha March 17, 2016

Wow, great post! I can see how it would ruffle some feathers. Understanding our value and strength as women while also adopting a role of submission is a difficult concept to grasp, even harder to explain. On the subject of homemaking though, my husband and I see it as his responsibility–I know it’s odd, but go with me. He is the head of the household, so ultimately the management of the home is his responsibility. As his wife, his support, I take on whatever roles he delegates to me and I serve him gladly, but if I’m struggling to get it all done, he is there to make sure the work gets done OR the standards get lowered.

Meaghann March 17, 2016

What I struggle the most with, is that men aren’t taught to be the leaders of a family anymore. They are taught that women need to be respected (which is great) and that they are demanding and opinionated (which I’ve found myself slowly becoming more and more as I am forced to carry the weight of our family). My husband diverts all decisions to me. I stay home with our children while he works outside the home as a teacher, but ultimately I often feel like I’m the one in charge of EVERYTHING. We have been married for two and a half years, and are expecting our second child in the next month. He is happy to help around the house, and I will admit I have asked him to spend his nights watching our daughter because I have been so exhausted from my daily duties, medical challenges, and the stress of making all the decisions for our family. I have come to accept that he will never be the head of the household that I so desperately desire, but always wonder if there’s anyway to encourage him to change.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Meaghann,
Pray for him. Constantly and fervently. Pray for the LORD to draw him in, pray that he will be a man after God’s own heart. Pray that he would be the man God needs him to be, and pray some more.
Ask the LORD to also give you wisdom and strength, and continue to love your husband. I know how hard it is.

Audrey March 17, 2016

Meaghann – I stumbled upon this blog post as honestly it’s a subject I feel very strongly on. However! God’s still voice led me to read on further down into the comments. I believe this is why:
I absolutely, 100% have been there. I’ll try to keep this brief. I thought I was praying for my husband but I wasn’t praying “in Jesus’s name”, meaning I wasn’t praying like Jesus would pray. Bear with me, I hope this makes sense in text. I made a shift and started praying that my husband have Godly character, which is outlined over and over in His word. I boldy prayed that God would convict my husband’s heart (scary!), among many other uncomfortable prayers.
It sounds crazy to begin with but please, keep praying. The book “Extreme Prayer” talks about the concept of praying in Jesus’s name and “The Power of a Praying Wife” will help stretch your prayers where they may not be going.
God has transformed my husband’s heart, its His business. It’s possible, keep with it sister <3

Ana Sullivan March 17, 2016

I have been a working mom, a part-time-work-at-home mom, and a stay-at-home mom. Although I have prefered being the SAHM, I try to write my blog in a way that would encourage all moms to be better moms. We are not here to judge each other. We should all pray that God show us individually, what he is asking of us as moms and as homemakers. I have pinned this to my Working Mom vs SAHM board: https://www.pinterest.com/thelostapron/working-mom-vs-sahm/

Laura March 17, 2016

This is so off base. You need to take time to look at the whole council of Scripture before making such definitive answers and solutions to each God designed family. I am very surprised that a blogger would write this! Honestly, GOD himself inspired the scripture of Prov 31 please take a look and ask if helpers, side businesses and overwhelmed feelings are normal. And seriously read all of Psalms and ask if feeling overwhelmed is wrong. Good grief! Please review all your posts against Scripture and the Spirit before publishing such articles.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Laura,
I have. We are to love God and our neighbor. We are to fear God and keep His commandments. His commandments for women are to raise children, manage the house and be obedient to their own husband.
Woman was made for the man.
Feeling overwhelmed is not wrong, but often a sign of misplaced priorities, our lack of training, etc. It’s so common today.

Paris March 26, 2016

Amen, thank you. I often realize my priorities are misplaced, when anger strikes at the children, when I am working on my home based business. I have since realized, my husband gave me the perimeters he did of owning my own business for a reason. I strayed from that, and have greatly regretted my disobedience to my husband. Life is so much happier when I obey him (because he knows what’s best) and when I am joyfully serving my children. Such a great reminder. Thank you!

Karen March 17, 2016

Thank you for writing to encourage us to check our hearts and our mindset. It is so easy to go into “autopilot” and lose our way, become blind to sin, or fall asleep. I really appreciate your loving-kindness. The Lord is good.

Tammy March 17, 2016

Awful article… A distraction from the gospel… Legalistic….. 😢

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Legalistic in what way?

Flicka March 20, 2016

Jennifer, you wrote an excellent article. Many times I want to shake women that feel what you said is unbiblical. There is a behind the scenes reward for following Gods word as it is written. I am smiling now because God has so many blessings He will bestow on us if we are obedient to His word and way. I have experienced those rewards in many ways. God doesn’t say to us, “If you do thus and so from the Bible I will give you great gobs of gifties.”

When we obey we reap those rewards. Many women have reaped them and then ran away from close encounters with their husbands because of feeling fears. Women need to rely on facts and ask God to eliminate the fearful feelings of getting close to their husbands. I went through it and God blessed me.

Laura March 17, 2016

So comments asking you to consider the whole of Scripture are removed? I am serious in asking you to study Prov 31. Also study what Feminisim means. There are bad sides to Feminisim but the whole again needs to be considered. There are many parts that I am grateful for! That I have a doctorate degree in Theology is one! That I am able to serve The Lord around the world and give women hope is another! But please consider your tone and what you state are wrong in this article. Because an accurate study of the whole of Scripture will show there is no wrong in having help, in working or in feeling overwhelmed.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Laura,
The comment wasn’t removed. It just hadn’t been approved yet.
I have studied Proverbs 31 at length, as will as feminism.
I never even hinted that it was wrong to have help our wrong to feel overwhelmed.
I apologize for the misunderstanding.

Laura March 17, 2016

Sorry did not realize it takes time to post. But you did imply that those things are wrong. As a person who has taken on the role of teacher by yourself outside the headship of a Church and Pastor I would advise you rewrite this to not be condemning of these things. Clearly articulate what part of Feminisim you take issue with and clearly interpret the Scriptures. Your article did say these things were wrong and you might want to consider all the comments saying this and humbly accept that you did write that and thus need to change it.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

No problem Laura 🙂

I actually didn’t imply they were wrong. I suggested that a woman *may* want to let her mother’s helper go if it would help her align her mindset to a more Biblical way of thinking. I also did not say feeling overwhelmed is wrong, where did you read that? I am happy to accept what I wrote, but that wasn’t what I wrote.

Also, I am under the headship of my husband, which is where I am to be. He read this before it posted. I am condemning feminism and it’s evil effects.

JEAN HUNTSINGER March 17, 2016

I 100% agree with u!!! Keep up the good work!!!

Katrina March 17, 2016

Let me first say I am a Christian mother of 4 and I believe moms should be homemakers and stay at home if they are able. However, something with this article just felt a little “off”. Yes, it did make me open my eyes and realize I have been letting distractions get in my way of joyful homemaking a bit. And perhaps I have been feeling like it’s drudgery instead of a chance to serve my Lord with passion and make it an offering to Him. Convicted on those counts.

I think though your original article is worded a bit poorly and also your comments contradict the tone of your article.

Then I thought of a woman at my church… You speak as the role of a woman as a homemaker. This woman is in her mid-sixties and hasn’t met a suitable Christian man in her life to marry. She has spent a good portion of her life not staying at home, but as a nurse. When Paul spoke of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 he clearly stated that for some women it may be better to not marry. They can use their gifts in devotion to the Lord. She loves the Lord, serves her church and does her work diligently. I wouldn’t describe her as a feminist (which you kind of make sound is the opposite of a homemaker). You also made this statement in a comment, “The Bible commands women to be busy in their homes and care for their own children and submit to one man.” While true, it doesn’t apply to all women.

The other thought I had was about Deborah in the bible. She was married… and yet a judge who led a rebellion. There were many women in the bible who had help in the form of maidservants. There were also many other women who worked outside of the home and were married. http://newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/new-testament-working-women/

Jennifer March 17, 2016

The Biblical pattern is marriage and children. Thank you for writing

KM Logan March 18, 2016

Actually Paul said it would be better to remain single.

Jennifer March 18, 2016

Let’s not take things out of context or misquote scripture:
1 Corinthians 7:6-7
“But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that….”

Paul’s opinion was that it was better to remain single. It would eliminate some struggles in life. But marriage is the Biblical pattern. If singleness was God’s design, He would not have created Eve

Jess March 18, 2016

Thank you for this article! It was spot on and it gave me a lot to ponder! Just because *I* don’t like something, that doesn’t stop it from being God’s commandment for me. By His grace, I hope to get better at remembering that; His will is always better than mine anyway! Thank you again 🙂

Dayla Dee March 18, 2016

This post was shared on another Facebook page that I follow, I can’t remember which one. But it brought me to your Facebook page and I read the comments on your shared article of this. I hadn’t read the post yet but I was getting the feeling that I’d like it.

After reading the comments then looking at the article, I would not have guessed that the post was this short! It seems some women have put many words into your mouth. What I’m seeing in this article, is that you want us to look at ourselves and contemplate if we are following God’s Word to the fullest. Which none of us are. And that certainly can bring anger to some people. But rather than lash out at you about my own sins and shortcomings, it brings me to despair that I am not doing everything I can. And if someone can look at the Word of God, and the commandments of being a wife and mother (which is what you are asking us to do), and say that what they are doing is perfectly in line with His will and all of their decisions are based on serving their husband and children and they never have one selfish thought even in the midst of being overwhelmed, then they are simply fooling themselves.

It is easy and common to feel overwhelmed in the matter of homemaking. I recently became a first time mother four months ago and my husband and I decided that I would stay home. It’s already been overwhelming with just one child! But every day, caring for my own babe 24/7, I’m learning more and more about selflessness and servanthood and sacrificial love.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” – 1 John

I don’t believe that becoming more like the world is a good thing. I don’t believe that doing everything the same way as unbelievers is a good thing. I think going back to work at 6 weeks, sending the children to day care, and going to work full time, is selfish. Money is never the real problem. If you are trusting God and reading his Word, you’ll KNOW money is not the problem. But the world tells you it is! Really, it’s a you problem. There are ladies in my church, who continue to work under the false concept of “not having enough money”. This is a highly disputable comment that I may get angry comments over, perhaps? But I’m writing to you, Jennifer, the author of this article. And I have a feeling that you’ll agree. I have never been one of those ladies who say I have to work because we don’t have enough money. My husband makes $24,000 a year and we have a house as our only debt, with much hard work to get it this way. Yes, we are not making much but I don’t see that as reason enough to work outside the home when my husband’s small income is not only paying the bills, but we are slowly saving money and donating as well. So I will never fully understand why this is the main argument that some give. I don’t believe that money can hold you back from serving and loving your children and husband as much as you can. And the argument of using money as a way to serve them (while your husband is already working and doing that even if you feel his income isn’t adequate enough for you) while putting them in day care, I believe is contradicting yourself.

In the end, it comes down to this thought for me: the more we become like the world, the less we become like God. The more we act like unbelievers and do the things that they encourage, the less we become what we are supposed to be.

Thank you for stirring up these thoughts in our hearts. You mentioned in a comment on Facebook how you were reading your own article again and trying to figure out what maligns the Word of God, that so many were angry about. And I know I am not God, ha! But I don’t believe you were wrong in asking us questions so that we would take a look at our lives and be brought to repentance when we saw things we didn’t want to.

This is the first article of yours that I’ve read but I will continue to follow and be a reader.

Flicka March 20, 2016

Thank you Dayla Lee. Beautiful writing of love. God bless you.

Amy March 22, 2016

And you can continue to live on that if you try hard! We have lived on $24,000 for many many years now. And we have 4 kids, our house being our only debt as well. It’s tough, but oh so worth it beyond words!!! There’s no better place to be than home taking care of everyone, homeschooling, and home. All things home 🙂 Keep it up Daylee ( and Jennifer:) )

Kiyoko B March 18, 2016

As women we are bombarded by worldly messages that may conflict with a spiritual path. This is what I hear in your words – an admonition to ask for and then listen to the voice of the Lord in daily tasks and let Him guide choices among all the things clamoring for my attention. Understanding what God intends to be our role in this world helps His directions make more sense. Sometimes this perspective can only be seen in retrospect, as I have all too often experienced in my life. Thank you for the reminder.

Jennifer March 18, 2016

Thank you for the kind words amongst the others

Cherriezzzzz March 19, 2016

Jennifer, pearls to swine, don’t bother responding to internet trolls. Keep being a Titus 2 woman to us younger Christian homemakers and mothers. We have to search online for women like you… they seem almost extinct. I pray I am a flesh and blood Titus 2 woman to the younger women in my church one day. May God keep blessing you and your family.

Samantha March 20, 2016

I am a feminist I believe in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. Do I expect my partner to pull hi weight? Yes he lives here too. We make decisions for the family and us as a couple together. Both men and women have limits because of gender, but each should have the equal chance to try what they want. No I am not a servant I am his partner, he is not my servant either.
I also stayed at home with my kids till they where older and went to school like many other feminists. My daughter is a feminist and so is my son and my partner because boys and men can be feminists too. ( and my son and man are tough Aussie boys and my daughter and I love fashion and makeup)
Feminist is not a dirty word, it is wrong to use it as an insult.

I know you won’t post this but I had to try to show you that you are wrong about feminists and it is offensive and insulting.

Jennifer March 21, 2016

Samantha,
Feminism is one of Satan’s best tools to divide and conquer the family. We are all servants. Either you serve God, or you serve Satan. There is no middle ground. You are doing the will of one or the other.
I’m happy to post your comment to show others how destructive and evil feminism is. If truth offends and insults you I can only pray that the LORD is using it in your life to bring you in obedience to Him. If that is indeed the case, praise to Jesus and to God be the glory.

Marg March 23, 2016

I agree with Samantha in some ways. I also believe in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. I’d add educational equality to the list. I believe the equality of men and women, and of boys and girls, is a basic teaching of the Bible.

Just because I believe in the equality and mutuality of the sexes doesn’t mean that I am selfish. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I’m not a servant. All the adults in our home are Christians and feminists and we all serve, submit and defer to each other, and there is nothing divided in our home. We all treat each other with mutual respect and consideration. I understand what Samantha means when she says that she and her husband are “partners”. Being a “partner” is surely the opposite of “divide and conquer”.

I was also a stay-at-home mother of my children, and I am delighted that my daughter-in-law is a stay-at-home mother as well. Plus my grandchildren have extended family to nurture and care for them. My family is important to me and we are very close.

In our extended household (three generations) my husband does most of the shopping and cooking because he loves it. Chores and responsibilities are allocated according to personal preferences and abilities and current needs, and it works great.

We are servants of each other and, most importantly, servants of God. Being a feminist has nothing to do with Satan. Rather, it seems to me that Satan has a special hatred of women (Gen. 3:15a) and he would like nothing more than to limit women and suppress the use of their God-given abilities and talents.

The Bible does not mandate that all women are to be homemakers. The two instructions in the Bible that mention keeping house were written to free, idle, young women who actually had, or could have, a household of their own to run. These women were in the minority in the first century Greco-Roman world. Moreover, the idle young wives and young widows that Paul is referring to in Titus 2:5 and 1 Timothy 5:14 would have had domestic slaves for the more unpleasant, tedious, and difficult domestic duties.

Being a homemaker can be a noble occupation. But so are other occupations and ministries.

Paige March 21, 2016

Jennifer, thank you for this article and all your patience in explaining it to some readers. I see the direction you are going. As an older SAHM with one child (a happy surprise!), I do not “work” outside the home now but teach Sunday School and am involved in other civic functions. While those are worthwhile pursuits, it can be a process to ensure they do not get ahead of what I have intentionally set out to do…which aligns with the Proverbs 31 and Titus scriptures with my husband, daughter and home.

This post is a good reminder to constantly renew our minds in Word and keep our eye on the prize….that’s all!

Take care,
Paige

Jennifer O'Neill March 24, 2016

I want to write and tell you this is bold and beautiful and thank you. I was married with a feminist mindset and it hurt my family and our marriage. I felt my value was in ME and what I can DO and what I CAN accomplish. I gave little regard to my role or my husand’s. We have a marriage that has survived things that many can’t even have nightmares over and it is in God’s grace. BUT even in our hardship my unwilling attitude to be “wife” hurt an already tumultuous relationship.

Submission is glorious and beautiful. It comes from an attitude of humility and understand of Christ- the same understanding that can echo Christ after asking for the Cup of Gods wrath to pass, stated ” not my will but yours be done” He gave it all, so that we could reflect His humility.

As women- look how angry we are. We are all but burning bras in the church at this point stomping around screaming hear me roar! Yet God finds beauty in a quiet and gentle Spirit.

Growing up I wanted to be President and don’t anyone tell me a woman can’t do anything she wants. Fine. But- now looking back- it is with sorrow I see I willingly walked in worldly views of my heart and life rather than being taught what the word says.

I fought it tooth and nail and did work through our 4th child’s birth. BUT through a beautiful older woman who was so truthful it hurt, we laid it at the cross. It didnt seem possible for me to be home as my husband worked 2 ft jobs and I worked 2 part time to make ends meet. ( this was already with no other debt than a mortgage and no extras or out to eats or clothing purchases) it was hard. BUT now 3 years later, we have 5 children my husband has 1 job and I am at home. Its still a learning process for me but I have realized the most glorious role a woman has is the one we don’t want. To reflect a selfless heart. The heart of a mother the love we can show- can point out one from the world. When we can lay it all at our savior and joyfully be wife and mother- regardless of the world and their expectations we can start to point others to the reason, the relationship of Christ and the Church and the reason why we do what we do- which should be to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Worshiping the Savior is one of the few eternal joys we will experience this side of heaven. Please- listen with openness and cast your anxieties on the Lord- A former feminist. <3

Becky March 24, 2016

Thank you for this reminder of what our primary purpose is. I and a stay at home, homeschooling mommy that is also the wife of a pastor at a very small church. My husband works a day job on top of pastoring and doesn’t have a secretary, so I have a lot of hats to wear. I also babysit for a friend so she does not have to put her little girl in daycare. Sometimes there are so many things that come up during the day that make me forget what my primary focus is. Although my husband does help out by running to the grocery store sometimes and cooking a meal now and then, it’s certainly not anything I expect from him. He does it because he doesn’t want me to feel overwhelmed. There are so many situations in life and people like to say that theirs is not like any others, but our main goal should be staying in fellowship with God and trying to obey his word as best as we can. I enjoyed this post very much and appreciated the challenge to get my focus back on what my main responsibilities are.

Dunni March 24, 2016

Jennifer,
From the discussions that ensued from your article, I feel that this article might have been written only for Christian women in developed countries, married to men after God’s own heart, who can be trusted to behave responsibly. The definition of a Christian homemaker, as implied in the discussions, is a stay-at-home-mum, right? I do understand, that it is sometimes difficult to think out of the box. As a girl child in a Christian home in a 3rd world country, I was taught not to be dependent on any man. I was born into a society where stay-at-home mums are considered liabilities by some poor husbands, in-laws and neighbours. An asset is the woman who works outside the home and still manages her home well. Stay-at-home wives of rich men often lose everything, sometimes their own children, to their in-laws in case of their husband’s deaths. It’s not something you can imagine, if you’ve not lived in a 3rd world country for at least 60 days. This makes it difficult for me to accept this life of total dependency on the man’s income. Are you saying God wants us to suffer? Your theory/interpretation of the Bible has to include people in situations you could not imagine. Examples are wives in abusive ‘Christian’ marriages with men, who won’t provide for their needs or with men having extra-marital affairs, giving away the family income.
I would like to ask you, Jennifer, if the societal conditions since Eden are still the same like today. I would like to know why the Proverbs 31 woman had to possibly work outside the home, on the purchased piece of land, and yet got so much praise. It doesn’t look to me like
As well, you might want to include practical steps for transforming oneself from a ‘feminist’ to a ‘homemaker’, not just pointing which of the two is bad or good. Then your ‘gospel’ will be complete.

Jennifer March 31, 2016

Hi Dunni,

This article is written for the woman who professes Godliness, thereby claiming Christ, no matter the country she lives in, and no matter the man she is married to.

The definition of a Christian homemaker, as implied, yes… is a stay at home mom.

It’s not so different here in America. Homemakers (stay at home moms) are not thought of as an asset in our country either. Working outside the home is definitely held in higher value than that of the full time homemaker.

I’m not saying the God wants us to suffer, but neither were we called to a life of ease and free of troubles. The Bible says we will have trials in this life, it goes along with being a child of God. Homemaker or not, we humans struggle and suffer.

My interpretation of the Bible is irrelevant, I only wrote what the Bible teaches, and that is for women to be busy in their homes, which means they are to be there most of the time. Many women in America work because they are divorced, widowed or created so much debt as a young person, this post isn’t to condemn, but to encourage and teach. No matter a woman’s situation, God’s word is still true, even if a woman finds herself in an unsuitable situation.

The practical steps of transforming oneself from a feminist to a homemaker was outside of the scope of this post, but I do have a course that offers such teaching. http://www.thefocusedhomemaker.leadpages.co/details/
Lastly, this wasn’t “my” gospel. Full time homemakers are Biblical and older women are to teach that to the younger women that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

Laura March 17, 2016

Ok- you then need to look closely to the history and events of Feminisim. If you ascribe to it as evil please articulate what parts and attitudes are the ones you consider evil. All feministic thought is not evil but very Biblical. Articulation is what I am saying is needed with this article. Are you talking about the feministic thought that women are just like men and should be treated equally in all areas? Or are you referring to the feministic thought that women are also humans deserving of worth and cannot be beat by any man? Are you referring to the feministic thought pattern that implys women should leave their children to the experts? Or are you referring to the generational thoughts of not wanting hard work? And as a self given role of Biblical teacher through this blog you would be out of headship if not under a pastor or church. Which is why blogs can be so dangerous for exegesis of Scripture. You also don’t use any Scripture to back your ideas. Clarity and accuracey of ideas is needed in areas like this.

Jennifer March 17, 2016

Laura,

Again, I have studied feminism and continue to. Honestly this would seem like you are trying to strike up an argument? You said I wrote that getting help or feeling overwhelmed is wrong, which I did not. I asked you to show me where that was written. Now you are asking that I be more articulate, define what I believe about feminism, answer questions about what I believe about child rearing and generational thoughts on labor.
I also want to reiterate that I am absolutely not out from under headship when I am directly under my husband which is clearly the Biblical pattern. You are welcome, and encouraged to be like the Bereans and see if what I’m saying lines up with scripture.

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