Shall We Have Tea? The Refined Woman

by Jennifer on July 23, 2015 in Femininity, Legacy, Training Ground for Mature Adult Character, True Beauty

What do you think of, the sights, smells and conversations you might have, when you hear the words, “Shall We Have Tea?”

tea tea

Perhaps it is something along the lines of dainty teacups, old fashioned hats, giggling girls in ruffles and bows and petit fours.  Perhaps thoughts of a leisurely Saturday afternoon with mature women at an elegantly set table, and an uplifting conversation.

tea 5 occlock

Whatever the imagery, it likely included females and manners.  Teas beckon us to be polite and mind our p’s and q’s, at least for the time being.  Teas are a genteel activity and cultivate femininity, poise and grace.

But I digress, the focus of this post isn’t about tea, but about our behavior at a tea.  We do try to be a bit more ladylike at a tea, don’t we?  Is this not one of the reasons to host or attend a tea… to practice refinement and teach it to our daughters?

Refined Women

Let’s be honest, there is a genuine shortage of refined women today.  Christian women who know what it truly is to be a lady and live it out in daily life… our country and our churches are severely lacking in this area.

Though we do all start out a bit unrefined, if left to ourselves, many of us would find sloppiness and a lack of manners to be our comfort zone, rather than orderliness and a pleasant disposition yet the LORD commands appropriate behavior from His daughters:

“Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control,… with what is proper for women who profess godliness…”  1 Timothy 2:9-10

The LORD truly does have standards for His own.

What Is Proper For Women Who Profess Godliness

What is proper?  God’s word give us a whole list of proper behavior, Christian women are to be:

  • Modest
  • Chaste
  • Discrete
  • Self controlled
  • Industrious
  • Sober
  • Pure
  • Kind

We may think of a refined woman as someone who is classy and sophisticated, however, the definition for refined is: free from coarseness, vulgarity, impurities.  As women who profess godliness we should surely be free of coarseness and vulgarity!

I see this as an encouragement, and not only possible but a worthy endeavor.  In a culture that applauds bossy and assertive women, Christians must practice refinement.  In a culture that is quickly becoming androgynous at every turn, we simply must practice femininity and graciousness.

Are you a refined woman?  What can you do to inspire or strengthen the manner of women professing godliness and godly deportment in your own life?


Jennifer is the cherished wife of a visionary man, and a mother of 11 children. Her deepest desire is to consistently love her husband and children, and to be a diligent and joyful keeper at home, all for the glory of God. She is passionate about encouraging fellow housewives in their highest calling of wife and mother. She and her family produced Homemaking 101 and 201, DVDs for Christian wives and mothers. She can be found blogging at The Focused Homemaker.

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{ 1 comment }

Janet Westrup July 23, 2015

Not refined yet, but I’m working on it.
To share what I do have, it’s best to dress modestly and treat others better then myself, with reverence and kindness including young and old.

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