Adult Daughters at Home and the Homemaking Profession

by Kelly on May 30, 2013 in Home Culture, Homemaking, Legacy

Raising daughters who wish to pursue the profession of homemaking poses a delicate dilemma in today’s culture because “homemaking” isn’t considered a profession.

Childcare is, if you are getting paid.

Teaching is, if you are getting paid.

Cleaning is, if you are getting paid.

Interior design is, if you are getting paid.

Accounting/finance is, if you are getting paid.

Culinary art is, if you are getting paid.

Counseling is, if you are getting paid.

Nutritional expert is, if you are getting paid.

The love of money….

But a woman who wants to become adept at all these professions tied into one is laughed off or pitied. True, she likely won’t be paid. Not in currency. But perhaps her reimbursement is far more valuable than our inflated dollar. Perhaps she can delight in a heavenly reward as well as the fruit of her hands that will praise her for generations.

We are facing this dilemma ourselves, with a nineteen year old at home. And admittedly, it’s a tricky transition for all of us as she moves into adulthood, continues to prepare to be a homemaker (in the true sense unfamiliar to most of modern society), still lives at home and tries to find a balance in this unique season of her life (not to mention the emotions that come naturally).

There are a few things we have learned and continue to learn about the transition, and I hope it is helpful to some of you on the same journey:

  • Keep the vision clear.  The Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” And what is the vision? That’s a question your family will have to answer. But for us, it’s been so helpful to clarify ours. Ultimately, we are here to serve, as Christians, no matter our chosen profession. So a young lady preparing to serve her family and neighbors full time will find many opportunities to train in that habit, so counter to what everyone else is telling her to do. This may be an excellent time to dig in and really study the portrait of a Proverbs 31 woman, but we must combat the feminist voices telling her the choice of homemaking is a lesser profession.
  • What should they be doing? Again, that will be different for every family. But it’s a fabulously unique opportunity to help her grow and hone the many skills she may use in her homemaking profession. Our daughter is volunteering one day a week at Sav-a-Life, and continuing to serve here, helping teach her siblings, assisting (and experimenting) with meals and taking care of our garden (one of her passions). She is taking an on-line class, studying holistic nutrition, another of her loves, and an excellent thing for a homemaker to have in her repertoire of skills. She cleans a neighbor’s house one day a week for extra money, but since she still lives at home, her expenses are minuscule. She has more time now for her music and enjoying her love of horses, and she’s learned some important carpentry skills under her Dad’s teaching. She loves to make costumes and really enjoys sewing, a skill that has proven so helpful and saves us money with curtains, gifts, etc. This has just become a wonderful time for her to study, relax, grow closer to her family, and take advantage of all the opportunities the Lord brings. There is so much freedom in that; something the feminists can’t seem to grasp.
  • Three adults in the house. It’s strange waking up one day realizing your child is an adult. Of course the growth is gradual; most families have their children move out around the age of eighteen and the change is more abrupt. Needless to say, it takes flexibility on everyone’s part and hopefully, your relationship is affectionate and strong, and finding a place of allowing them the freedom of their adulthood, but still being counselors in this confusing time, isn’t too difficult. There will also be a struggle, when younger siblings are involved, of authority. An  adult daughter does and should have  limited authority, being able to ask her siblings to do certain things and expecting a certain amount of respect. But this can easily cause frustration since finding the fine line can be difficult. It’s something she and the parents need to constantly evaluate and work on, with the cooperation of the rest of the family.
  • Answering the scoffers. This can be one of the most trying challenges for our girls. Recently, an elderly lady at a church we visited asked me, “What is she going to do?” When I said she is continuing her training to be a homemaker, the lady laughed, believing I was joking. It’s simply not acceptable. Each family can help their daughters craft a thought-provoking answer. Perhaps it will be our ability to give an answer that will begin to turn the tide of thinking.

One thing is certain, our daughters (and sons) will not value the role of homemaking unless we do, and unless we help them think rightly, in opposition to what the voices around them are saying. Returning  proper value to the profession of raising the next generation and reinforcing the strength of the family, will be largely responsible for seeing our country return to a more blessed and thriving state once again.

Kelly

Kelly is the blessed wife to Aaron and mom to nine children (and one showing up soon). She and her husband enjoy a bustling life, home-educating and operating several family businesses. Between diapers, searching for bull frogs in the house (a science experiment gone bad) and homemaking for the glory of God, she shares her thoughts at Generation Cedar.

More Posts - Website - Twitter

{ 60 comments }

Vicky May 30, 2013

I love this, Kelly! I wonder if you think your daughters will stay at home if it’s not God’s will for them to marry? Would they possibly use their home skills to run a cottage business? I have encouraged my daughters to think in terms of their gifts and passions, rather than a career, but I wonder what they might do to support themselves if they don’t end up getting married. I like how you’re looking forward to the opportunities that God brings – faith brings much more security than worldly measures of success, doesn’t it?

God bless, Kelly:-)

Jacinda May 30, 2013

Awesome post, Kelly! I couldn’t have said it better. Feminism is so strange that way…it’s okay to do all the domestic duties as long as you are being employed by some man other than your husband. Where’s the liberation in that?

Your daughter is going to be the most eligible young lady on earth! 😉

Sue M. May 31, 2013

Jacinda,

I understand your point here, but these days a young (or middle-aged, or close to retirement age) woman is almost as likely to be working for a woman as a man. And the woman isn’t just always her first-line supervisor or manager; she could easily own the business or be in upper management in a large corporation, a department of local, state, or federal government, or a nonprofit institution.

Cindy May 30, 2013

You know, the more I think about “women’s work” the more I realize that we don’t need to put scare quotes around “women’s work”. There is so much to be done in the home and community that is simply done better without the exchange of money for the services that we could ALL benefit from having a woman around the house. Relationships can’t be bought, but that’s exactly what we do when we hire other people to do the intimate things that wives, mothers, and daughters used to do for their families. Maybe it makes no difference to some whether the person that cooked their meal cares whether they really like it or not, or will benefit from it, healthwise, but I think we lose a lot when every single interaction between people becomes a financial one. Hooray for relationship-focused women! Three cheers for homemakers!

Rebecca May 30, 2013

It breaks my heart when one person decides that another person/family should be doing something different. We are all created for God’s glory-and each one of us should not think someone else’s journey should look like ours. Now, I say that, knowing that each Christian’s path should be the narrow one leading to God and following the precepts of the Bible. Sadly, true Biblical knowledge and wisdom is not being taught in many churches. So many people are walking around doing and thinking what ‘feels’ good…Adam and Eve did that too and look where it landed all of society. Thank you for this post today. It’s a good reminder of our vision in our home – my husband and I were just discussing this!

liz May 30, 2013

LOVE this! I grew up with a dad who valued what my mom did in the home. That is probably part of the reason I grew up wanting to be just like her- a mom and homemaker.

Mendi May 30, 2013

So simple. So good. So right where we are.

I can’t even begin to convey to you the gratitude I have for this post. We are in the very same season of life as you & the journey God has called us to take is foreign to all those around us. This encouragement, affirmation & confirmation is so very timely… Thank you from the depths of my heart.

Mendi

Kelly May 30, 2013

Mendi,

So glad it encouraged you at the right time.

Vickie May 30, 2013

Great article. We have always homeschooled our daughter & she will be in 9th grade this year. While I want her to be prepared if she chooses to go to college, at this time it’s not her plan. She would really like to be a homemaker. I have been a homemaker for the past 17 years. I have at times done a little substitute teaching (before we decided to homeschool), designed web sites, and cleaned houses. The majority of the time though I have just been mom. I enjoy it and I’m proud to be a homemaker.
What I find strange is I seem to get praised, mostly, for devoting my life to my family but when my daughter says she wants to be a homemaker people act like that is crazy. I still don’t quite understand that.
I believe that God has a plan for her and it will all work out the way it should.

Nicole B May 30, 2013

I love what you are doing with her! My husband and his sister were pushed out at 18, and she never learned the things I did in the homemaking department.
When we had our kids he made a comment about them leaving as soon as highschool was over, but I talked to him about that. How I don’t believe our job is really over just because they are an “adult” and that they were more likely to jump into things that could harm them or that they really didn’t like just because they felt they didn’t have any other choice. I would love it if our daughter chose a homemaking profession, and I know that now her daddy would too. I will have to have him read this because I have never been able to explain what I hope for her quite like you did. Thank you!

nuts4knits May 30, 2013

Thank you so much for saying this! You captured it beautifully. I am praying for both my daughter AND my son to value homemaking. I left the world of professional teaching to become a full time homemaker and home educator, and I can say I’ve gained 100 times the number of skills I learned sitting in a traditional classroom. And I’m MUCH more fulfilled. My daughter sees this, and she wants to be like mom (praise the Lord). Excellent article — and your daughter is both blessed and a blessing.

Anita Chamblee May 30, 2013

We’ve had two adult daughters at home and now one son…..Our son does work full-time with his father and will begin full-time college (on-line) this year. One daughter took two semesters of college classes and worked as a mother’s helper for three or four different homeschooling families throughout her late teen -early twenties. And of course, she helped out in our home and was our church pianist. Our second daughter gave violin lessons, took lessons and is a certified Suzuki instructor. She did much to help in the home as we still had young children. Both of my older girls are now married (age 29 is the mother of 4 and homeschooling then while she and her husband are business owners and my 25 year old teaches violin 2 1/2 days per week and enjoys making a home for her new husband the rest of the week. We did have an interesting comment from a new acquaintance at one time concerning our 19 yo daughter living at home. This woman thought it was very strange and wanted to know if our daughter paid us rent. I let her know that she contributed much to our family and we could never re-pay here. Our son who works full-time also doesn’t pay rent, but contributes much around our little homestead!

Trisch May 30, 2013

LOVE this! I have 7 daughters, 2 sons, and 4 of those daughters are 19 and older. They are truly my best friends and a HUGE asset to our home! They are serving us and others, they have various jobs from home (one does work part time at our small town post office), and are a blessing to everyone around them!

And as you said–they have been able to pursue their interests more and I love watching them continue to learn and grow and blossom!

Thanks for a wonderful post!

Daja at The Provision Room May 30, 2013

This is excellent!

The first point about things being valuable only if done in exchange for money can be applied to a lot of other things in life as well. We are such a cash driven society, thinking somehow that it brings us freedom. When, in fact, it just ties us further to jobs and careers that we don’t necessarily like, work that is not sustainable or life-giving, ways of business that are not honoring, etc.

In ages passed the home was seen as a unit of production. Home produced food, clothing, animals, lumber, things that contributed to the betterment of the the world and local community. Now, since the industrial revolution, home is seen only as a unit of consumption. Most homes don’t produce anything of marketable value and our lives are market-centered, not home-centered. So, there is no value placed on what is done in the home…..unless done in exchange for money. We’ve got the whole thing so upside down and backwards.

Shannon Hayes, in her book Radical Homemakers, writes: “For…years our culture has been hostage to a form of organization by domination that fails to honor our living systems, where ‘He who has to gold, makes the rules.’ By contrast, Radical Homemakers use life skills and relationships as replacement for gold, on the premise that he or she who doesn’t need the gold can change the rules. The greater our domestic skills, be they to plant a garden, grow tomatoes on an apartment balcony, mend a shirt, repair an appliance, provide for our own entertainment, cook and preserve a local harvest or care for our children and loved ones, the less dependent we are on the gold.”

Kelly May 30, 2013

Daja,

Ooh, that’s good. I might need to get that book.

Pat in Tenn May 30, 2013

I have 3 daughters. My oldest one, 24 yr olds, is a college graduate, still is working as a nanny to a sweet your professional family and still lives at home. I wouldn’t have it any other way. One day she plans to go to work f/t in her field of studying if the Lord guides her that way but for now, she works from home in her field of study and works during the day as the nanny. We prefer that our daughters live here at home for now instead of being out in the world alone. Just not a great idea here where we live.

My other daughter is 19 yrs old and she did not chose to go to college. She is also working as a nanny for a young couple and lives here at home. She is in a courtship relationship with a young man from our church and all things seem to point that the Lord will bring them to marriage at the right time in their lives. No rush or hurry. She is also here at home.

My youngest daughter is 14 yrs old and still in school. We have homeschooled our daughters and this one is going into the 10th grade next year.

My daughters have been “in training” the whole lives to be keepers of their homes. But it will be the Lord’s will in their lives as to where they end up. But for now….they are here at home where the Lord has placed them and until He moves them to the next step in their lives.

As for what my family and friends think about all of this……. who cares… ( well, you know what I mean )….. It is my husband and my responsibility to follow the Lord in caring for our daughters and following His will in their lives and we are not to follow what others think or say.

This is a good topic to write about and I know that you will help many that are at this point in life.

Thanks,
Pat

Robin in New Jersey May 30, 2013

I have been a stay-at-home mom for over 25 years. It is an honorable profession. However, I must say, please make sure your daughters would be able to work outside the home if the need arose for them to do so. They need to be strong women who could take care of themselves if something happened to their husband. After 30 years of relying on my husband to work and bring home a paycheck, his sin cost him his job and made it necessary for me to return to work. I am unable to find a fulltime job to support my youngest 3. The parttime job I have pays poorly. We have no medical insurance. The Lord is providing for our needs in miraculous ways.

Kelly May 30, 2013

Robin,

Yours is an understandable concern, and an unfortunate plight. Sadly, even though God makes provisions for these things too, most people don’t cooperate. Family is the first safety net instructed to take up the slack when things don’t go the way we planned. The church is also meant to assist women to be able to stay home in difficult circumstances.

Another part of our training and encouragement is to prepare our daughters (and sons) for home industry. Never before have there been more opportunities to work from home, an excellent choice regardless of circumstances, but especially good in cases like yours. Check out Samaritans Ministry for a wonderful insurance alternative (it’s what we have).

Sue M. May 31, 2013

Hi Robin,

I am so sorry about your situation and agree with you that your daughters should be educated so that they can work outside the home if possible. And even keep their professional skills sharp by working just a few hours a week while their children are at home. For example, I know of a woman who is a dental hygienist. She works one evening a week and every other Saturday morning. Her husband can spend special “dad with kids” time the few hours she works. She will have current experience should her husband lose his job, or Heaven forbid die prematurely, or leave her and her sons, and should be able to find work relatively easily.

Two other suggestions for you, Robin.

(1) Have you considered going back to school? A local community college would offer many programs of study that you could complete within 2 years and allow you to make a pretty good salary. There should be lots of financial aid available for a woman in your situation (there are supposed to be expanded Pell grants just for single parents, for example). Also, you might be able to take a lot of your classes online.

(2) Do you live in Arkansas, Florida, Indiana, Kansas, Mississippi, Ohio, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, or Texas? If you do, go to this link: https://secure.thebenefitbank.org/ums?task=locator . It will allow you to find a local site for a statewide Benefit Bank. The people at the site will help you find out what state (and in some cases, federal) benefits that you and your family qualify for, such as SNAP (new name for food stamps), Medicaid, Children’s Health Insurance Program, free tax filing, including the Earned Income Tax Credit (extra $ in your pocket even if you don’t make much money), and much more, depending on the state where you live. The Benefit Bank is a public, private, and nonprofit partnership.

Hope this helps,

Sue

Dawn R. May 30, 2013

I think this also applies if you are a married woman at home with no kids yet. When I first married, and before kids came along, oh the looks on people’s faces when I told them I had no kids and no “job!” And people expect you to magically learn/know all these aspects of plain wifedom on top of mastering the motherhood learning curve! As if! Stay at home wives, you have infinite value! Learn these things, develop your skill set in these areas before you have children, instead of listening to all those poisonous voices out there that tell you you should be working or going to school or something if you don’t have children. It has always bothered me (especially when I was in that position) that even in the church the reaction was the same. Finally it took a neighbor of ours we happened upon while out on a walk in the evening together to give me the epiphany that all those voices in my head were feeding me lies! Now I pass on that wisdom to as many other young wives as I can (and older ones that don’t have kids, either!). Okay, I’m done now. 😛

Trina May 30, 2013

Amen, Dawn!

Libby @ A Noble Calling May 30, 2013

WOW! This was such an incredible post! I am an 18 (almost 19) year old daughter at home and this post was so encouraging to me. What a beautiful picture it was of a daughter at home. Being at home is something that I absolutely love but often need encouragement in, as you can imagine, the world is very discouraging towards girls who have this vision for the home. Your daughter is a wonderful example and I appreciate you sharing about her. It helps me to know that my family and I are not the only ones living like this. It is also good to know that others get the questions too. Thank you so much for sharing this today. It was such a blessing to read!
God bless you and your family,
Libby

Christy C. May 30, 2013

Well stated and very encouraging! Thank you!

Kim May 30, 2013

We are never called to live in this way. Ever.
It is nowhere to be found in Scripture. And no, a correct reading of Proverbs 31 leads one to realize that it is poetry, not a command.
I will never teach my daughter that this is her calling.
I will teach her to listen to the Lord and demonstrate a life that puts Him and others first.
She can be who she is. Period.
I refuse to stuff her in a box.
To do so is to claim to be God.
She can love sports, be a book worm, hate skirts, be a computer wiz…
Whatever her natural tendency is, I will teach her to pursue that pattern.
She is growing up in a home that is not always spotless;
With a mom who leaves laundry unfolded for days sometimes, and who is bad at home decor.
But who loves The Lord, her daddy, her and others passionately.
I will teach her to obey God’s calling in her life, no matter what that may be.
Never will I ever teach her that this, what you have put here, is God’s Devine calling.
Ever.
For I am not God.

Kelly May 30, 2013

Kim,

I appreciate your feelings about the article, but you have some grossly misunderstood statements.

“Proverbs 31 is a poem.” Maybe, maybe not. It makes no difference at all. Most of the Psalms are poems. The truth in them is no less mitigated. Proverbs 31 is a portrait of a “virtuous woman” after which women desiring to be virtuous will pattern themselves.

Titus 2 is not a poem, and does include the command to “teach the younger women to be keepers at home…lest the Word of God be blasphemed.” I realize, those who don’t like that command have also found ways to reinterpret it. That is something for which they will have to give an answer.

I’m confounded that you would say, “I refuse to stuff her in a box.”, clearly revealing that you do not understand what a homemaker is or the freedom that comes with it. It is *precisely* because I don’t want my daughters stuffed in a box, slave to another’s schedule, breaks, holidays and demands that we are encouraging them to pursue a far more freeing profession. I’ve been on both sides; I once was in bondage and now I’m free. It’s really simple, and it also allows our daughters to be “who they are.”

And lastly, being a homemaker does NOT mean the laundry is always folded or the house always clean or any of that. That is a facade and something imaginary you’ve made up. I think you’ve read something or somehow gotten the wrong impression of homemaking and you can’t get that false image out of your head. I’m sorry for the feminist brainwashing you received….I pray you find freedom.

We aren’t God either; we just point our children to Him and His revealed Word because that is the ONLY place where happiness and fulfillment is found. And to do anything less is unloving.

Smila May 31, 2013

Powerful. Thank you – Kim, for sharing your wisdom with us.

Hannah May 31, 2013

It is concerning that you would consider statements that defy Scriptural instruction as being “wisdom”. It brought to mind a passage that you maybe would like to consider – 1 Corinthians 3:19.

Jessica S. May 30, 2013

I can remember about a year ago, an elderly lady at our church came up to me and asked me if I was going to put our then 4 year old daughter and 3 year old son in a preschool. I told her “no” that it’s our biblical conviction and desire to train our children in the Lord (under our roof). She looked surprise by the response. All the other mommies and daddys have put their children in daycare at age 2 (even if they don’t work) and she assumed (as culture does) that we would be doing the same.
The other day I heard our daughter (who is now 5) say something she wanted to do when she “grows up”. The Lord convicted me then about beginning to prepare her someday for the greatest blessing: being a godly wife and mommy. In praying and studying the scriptures, I had the thought of, “What about the time when she has reached adulthood and is waiting on Lord’s will for a mate? What happens during that time?” Thank you for writing this article; it has answered many questions for me. And has given me specific things to pray for my children.

Jessica

Tiffany May 30, 2013

I am a homemaker, I love it, and I am grateful that I get to do it. But I don’t for a minute think that every female is called to be a homemaker, nor that it is Scripturally mandated. That Proverbs 31 woman was a business woman, an investor, a manufacturer with servants to clean her house and care for her children. How arrogant for conservative American Christians to take one aspect of our wealthy culture and hold it up as the only right way. Working moms here as well as in other countries and cultures do not deserve to be looked down on as if they are lesser Christians or somehow not feminine or not loving wives and mothers.

Kelly May 30, 2013

Tiffany,

You’ve created several straw men here. For one, the model of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is neither inconsistent with homemaking nor does it imply “only the wealthy.” You should read some of our financial story if you think I’m a homemaker because I am wealthy. That’s actually quite an insult to many of us who make tremendous sacrifices to be home and have trusted solely on our Father for daily bread.

The virtuous woman had servants and so do we–all of us–to make life easier. She displayed remarkable home-business skills, a privilege we have only in the freedom of home to pursue those things–that’s one of my big points; homemakers have far more opportunities to expand their skills, even to make money.

When the Bible says something is right and good (“teach the women to be keepers at home…so that the Word of God is not blasphemed”), it behooves us to call those things right and good. We aren’t just making up some random idea and trying to make working women feel badly; we are teaching (by command) principles from Scripture that are LOVING and FREEING to the working woman (that’s kind), and any opposition to that should be taken up by the One who inspired such a command.

By the way, it’s not working women who are looked down upon; thus the article.

Jill May 30, 2013

We are far from wealthy. My husband was laid off and out of work for 8 of the last 10 months. Some thought that I should return to work but we simply do not believe that is what God wants for our family. The Lord provided over and over for us in varying ways. My husband just found a new job last week. He makes less than $50,000 a yr but we make it. So as you can see we are not wealthy in monetary terms but we do what we believe is God’s best for our family. It is a blessing that I am so grateful for even on the most challenging days like today was. :). And while I encourage my daughter to pursue her interests before children, I’m raising her up to know that her place is in the home with her children. I’m raising my son to value this as well for his own wife someday.

Tiffany May 30, 2013

I know a bit more about this subject than you might think: I was a “stay-at-home daughter” until I was 29. Leaving home and learning to be an adult before the Lord was the best thing I ever did. And leaving did not in any way hamper my marriage or my parenting; it prepared me for them better than all those years at home had. I was mature and responsible before, but I was an extension of my parents, not an individual. And a healthy marriage is a union of two individuals.

RoseVine Cottage Girls May 30, 2013

Love this post. Thank you so much for sharing.

Andrea May 30, 2013

Thank you so much for this! It’s so true that our thinking is so easily persuaded. Just reading that those professions you listed are honorable if they are paid positions makes me slap myself in the forehead. Why IS the culture so hostile to homemaking, a role who fulfills so many functions AND shapes the people of the next generation? Clearly, Satan is at work.

Moriah Jordan Miller May 30, 2013

I want to thank you so, so much for this article. I live at home, training to become a homemaker, and I am turning twenty in three weeks. Both of my parents work full time, so I am home alone most of the day, unless my other two sisters are off of work. (They are younger than me.) I am a pretty peculiar situation compared to others who have chosen this path of life, but am thankful nonetheless.

I like to say I have been Home Schooled since birth, save for a three year time span my parents went through a divorce (my Dad is now remarried) and my siblings and I were put in Public Schools.

Ever since I was very young, I wanted to be a mommy. I babied my littlest sister when she was very young, and played house and dolls until I was quite older. (Historically, I wasn’t too old playing dolls still. ;)) But after being asked over and over again, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I decided on “Teacher”. After being in Public Schools, I decided against that, lol.

Three or four years ago I became closer friends with a young lady who attended our church that my Dad pastors and she left a significant influence on me. Her mother was a stay at home mother, full-time homemaker. And she, my friend, after graduating, stayed at home and did not pursue a college education nor did she actively seek for a job or career opportunity. I was amazed, because I felt pressure to do so and felt there was no other way.

She fed me resources like Joyfully at Home and Return of the Daughters, however I only utilized these after I made my decision to leave my full-time job and stay at home more. It was her influence on me that did the most. (She never pressured me, nor did she have an agenda to promote her lifestyle. All I had to do was watch her and that was enough for me.)

I love this article, because it gives people direction and support. For six months after I made my decision, I felt like I was in limbo. People thought I was going to take a break, then get a job again. Perhaps get a part time job. Go to college. Something! Because of that, I wasn’t able to fully reach the potential I could have reached. Only recently do I know feel more confident to do as I need to without feeling the effects of the criticisms and judgements from other people.

I also love, love, love the fact that you don’t use the term “stay at home daughter”. I have come to dislike the term, just because I feel like that should be the default, not a daughter who is OUT of the home. Not to mention the stigma that comes with it.

The most important tip that I felt you offered was “vision”. This was my issue in the beginning. I did not have a solid vision. Now that my sight has cleared a little, my vision is becoming evident, all thanks and glory to God.

For any curious, here’s a list of the things I have just done in the two months that, if I had been paid to do so, would have been hailed and praised by all around. However, since it was on my own time and I gained no monetary profit (which I do not seek), it’s just “me keeping busy because I don’t have a job”. (This is not the attitude of my immediate family.)

– Landscaping: I am in the process of landscaping our property. We have hopes to move, and this may bring our property value up and create more curb appeal. I have been actively mulching, weeding, planting, digging, raking, etc. Under the heat of the baking son, or just after a fresh, cold rainfall.
– Cleaning. I actively dust, sweep, wipe down, scrub, etc. our house. I keep up with the towels. I deep clean the bathroom once every two weeks. I declutter as I go along. I clean with a (Titus 2) lady every other Friday, and I know how much people pay for this work.
– Counsel. This, I do not feel is necessarily a paid task, however I have women come to me to seek counsel. They need advice. They need a shoulder to lean on. Someone to vent to. Someone to give them a Biblical reassurance. I am thankful that these people feel comfortable to do so in me, and once again I can only give credit to the Lord. I did not have this opportunity, or the time, when I was working. Glory be to God.
– Research. My Dad will give me assignments to research on, and write essays. I recently did one on vaccinations.
– Dog sitter. We have three dogs, with two that are high demand, and another that is “special needs”. I care for them through the day. I feed them, take them out, clean them, play with them, and exercise them. I also pick up poop and wash their things.
– Church Assistance. Once again, I do not consider this to be a task that would be paid for, but because of my availability, I am more readily available to assist our church. I take care of the kitchenette. I will make snacks to bring them, I take count of the stock, I make grocery lists, and make sure every thing runs smoothly. I then assist people during the day and the meal on church days. Then I clean up after wards, and start all over again.

I am sure there is more, but this is what I could think of right now. I am not seeking praise, nor a pat on the back, but I wanted to give evidence that I do NOT lay around all day; I am NOT waiting for life to be served to me on a silver platter; I do NOT take advantage of my family; and I am NOT lazy.

May this also serve as an inspiration and encouragement to those who are seeking or living the lifestyle of a homemaker-in-training.

Kelly May 30, 2013

Moriah,

Thank you for sharing some about your life; I know specifics help people to define, a bit better, their goals. That’s the beauty; it can look so different for so many due to the real freedom that is in homemaking, and yet we are the ones everyone thinks are “stuck in a box.” Confusing. I’m glad to see how well you understand the amazing opportunities available. And the bottom line as Christians is, “it’s not about us anyway.” We have to die to even what others say about our choices and that can be the hardest thing.

Lisa May 30, 2013

Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I am bookmarking it. I truly wish I could copy it and give it to every person who has put my poor daughter on the spot asking her “what do you want to be when you grow up?” She is only 9 and bakes for our entire family several times a week and has made the most amazing things in sewing, but even those accomplishments are looked down upon because she has heard the comments, “well what you are going to do with your brain since you’re so smart?” somehow insinuating that those of us who are homemakers have a low IQ or that the important and priceless tasks of taking care of our families aren’t good enough. I have advanced college degrees and have had people ask me if I think I “wasted” my education. True education is never wasted! I was a teacher by trade before having my children, and now as a homeschooling mom, am putting all of that training to good use. So, it was definitely not a waste.

This is obviously a topic that I feel so strongly about. It just saddens me that the most important and beautiful profession of all has been so demeaned. Jesus Himself had a stay at home, homemaking, homeschooling mama. If that was good enough for the Son of God Himself, why on earth wouldn’t it be good enough for the rest of us? 🙂

Many blessings (and keep preaching the Truth!!!) 🙂
Lisa

Jill May 30, 2013

Lisa I deal with the same. I have bachelor degrees in psychology and sociology, graduating magna cum laude. My family says things to me about how my education was a waste and that with all my intelligence and drive that they expected more. This is difficult to hear as I was raised to not value being a homemaker even though my mother was for the majority of my life. But I know in my heart that there is no higher calling for a woman. It is the most important job that I could ever do. My education and intelligence allow me to be a great helper and tool to my husband and family. It’s funny to hear my family say in one breath how proud they are of me for being a great mom and in the next breath talk about how college was a waste of my time and money. Annoying to hear but at least I don’t let it deter me from the path that I know is right and best. I wish that I’d been raised with this knowledge but am grateful that God bestowed it upon me anyway after I was married.

Momof2 May 30, 2013

I have been a Homemaker for over 6 years now. I am very happy to tell everyone. My husband makes enough income to support our family of 4. I get the question all the time “what are you going to do when your youngest is in school?” My answer….what i am doing now. I am a Homemaker and plan to stay that way. I work at home with no paycheck. I take care of everything that i can, even take the garbage out. I don’t think there are any women or men roles. I think that if there is garbage to take out, it needs to go out. I don’t wait until my husband comes home. And my husband changes diapers! When i was really sick a few years ago, he took vacation time to help at home. We take care of our family equally, just in different ways. Thank you for this article. I love reading about other women in a similar situation.

MJ May 30, 2013

My 19 year old son just finished his first year of college and he, his father, and I were discussing his options for this summer. We decided that he would not get a traditional summer job but rather work for the family. My husband usually works 60 hours a week in a very physical job so it is difficult for him to get all of the things around the house done. Today, my son mowed the lawn and cleaned all of the ceiling fans in our home. Yesterday, he cleaned our gutters. He is also washing dishes and doing laundry. We have a long list of things that need to be done. He also will get to volunteer for two weeks as a counselor at a day camp for our family’s favorite charity.

I am very happy that he is learning to do all of the things that will make him a good husband. He is taking care of our home and, with the dishes, laundry, and cleaning, I am sure he will appreciate his future wife should she be a stay-at-home mom. Another benefit is that my husband will be able to have a stress-free summer–he is even going on a fishing trip, something he hasn’t done in years!

In exchange for the work he is doing, we are contributing to his tuition and paying for his books for the upcoming year. He will still have a campus job and student loans but we are trusting that his needs will be met.

Joan May 30, 2013

I married at age 19 in 1985 with the full intent to be a homemaker like my mother was. I loved babies and taking care of the home. However at age 21, as a Christian wife and mother with two babies, I was left alone to provide for all of us, something I could not have anticipated in my worst nightmare. Worse still, my youngest child developed chronic health issues and required insurance coverage for constant hospitalizations (3o in all.) Just one hospitalization put me over six thousand in debt. I had to go to work with no skills, no training, no degree in a field that was marketable. My father hired me or I would have been on welfare. My advice to young women is to get training in something before marrying. Not because you believe in careers outside the home, not because you don’t believe in homemaking, but because if you are left to provide and you don’t have a family like I did, you may end up like my sister-in-law whose children were taken by social services as she could not provide even a roof over their heads. I’m now 46 with six children and two grandchildren, a full-time homemaker and loving it! Homemaking is a holy calling. But sometimes God gives you a detour and you need to be prepared.

sarah May 30, 2013

Can I please introduce her to my nephew! He is a young farmer who lives at home with his parents and is looking for a Godly young woman to court. She sounds wonderful!

Carolina May 30, 2013

A good answer could be just to say: “I am doing many things right now: working for money some, studying some, helping my family and learning some skills that I am going to need in future”.
The short version could be: “I am doing a little bit of everything”. Or “how long do you have?”, and depending on the answer you say more or less.

Emily Sparks May 30, 2013

Great post! It truly is considered “abnormal” when I young lady wants to be a homemaker. Sadly, it seems to be just as “abnormal” in our churches today. God’s Word clearly states a woman’s place is at home, and no matter what the world says, God’s Word remains the same. I know when people ask me what I’m up to (graduated last year) and I tell them I’m busy in the church, babysitting, and preparing to be a help meet, they just look at me funny and can’t understand why I am happy doing what I’m doing. Anyway, good post…..encouraging!

Donna J May 30, 2013

Great article and I agree. My 17 year old daughter just graduated highschool and is staying home to further her “homemaking” skills. We have told folks she is apprenticing to be a Keeper at home ~ in her home. She has also started a cupcake baking business and has provided cupcakes for birthday parties, wedding rehearsal dinner, soccer party and preschool parties ~ all for pay. She loves to read, craft, sew and is an avid animal lover. We are excited to see the plans the Lord has for her life and to rely on His timing and His will.

Leah May 30, 2013

This is a wonderful article that I will be passing along to my daughter who desires to be a wife and homemaker as well. She is almost 18. (eek! Where did time go!)

As a homeschool mom with health issues, I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement for those who may not feel up to the task of training their daughters and may not be able to physically do as much around the house as others.

The most important thing you can do to encourage your daughters in their calling is to first and foremost show them how much you enjoy being around them. They will think it is worth it, if they know they are cherished and loved.

There are books and resources available, (and I am always open to suggestions, Kelly!) that our daughters can glean from even if we, as moms, are just trying to stay afloat, or play catch-up, let alone follow a systematic homemaking training plan alongside them.

It isn’t hypocritical to have them learn from others if we have to reserve what energy and health we have for relationship-building and schooling. Many days, I just take care of basics, but there are days when chronic illness forces me to do nothing, but make sure everyone is on task.

As long as I don’t fall into the comparison trap, or allow someone else to dictate to me what a homemaker looks like, I stay free to love and encourage my children to become all that God desires them to be,( homemaking included!)

Claudia Evans May 30, 2013

I loved reading about your vision for your daughter at home, and your wisdom to understand that it looks different for different families. Your daughter has more homemaking skills now than I do at age 46. And after listening to her speak at the Living a Legacy conference (I got the CD), I found her to be both engaging and articulate, and kept thinking, “She’s HOW old?” I am praying already for homemaking, home-loving wives for my young sons. It is so encouraging to read the comments and find there are many mamas raising young girls to see the privilege, freedom, and joy in being keepers of the home!

Wendy May 30, 2013

This was an encouraging post and so needed. I would love to hear what young woman and parents are saying when asked the questions “what are you going to do now that you have graduated ?” or “why is your daughter staying at home?” I have yet to come up with a succinct, well articulated answer. My daughter panics when someone corners her with these questions. People in the church are so scornful and condescending when they hear that my daughter isn’t going to college. I hear “so much wasted potential”. I went to college and earned my masters and when I got married I was woefully unprepared to be a wife. All that time and money spent preparing me to work outside the home when God’s plan all along was for me to be a homemaker.

Crystal May 31, 2013

I can so relate to that! I wasn’t raised in a christian home so homemaking wasn’t on the top of my radar. I went to college, earned a masters, got married and couldn’t find a job when I got out. I started thinking about what I really wanted to do. I knew when I had kids I wanted to be a stay at home mom and home school my kids because I wanted to be the primary discipler in their life. But I also knew I was woefully unprepared for that. My husband also wanted that for me; and when we decided for me to do that before the blessing of children, it was the best decision we ever made. I learned how to sew, cook and clean. Things I previously had no idea how to do. So when the blessing of children comes along, I will be prepared. I get criticized often but the fruit of what I am learning is worth it!

Hannah May 30, 2013

Just wanted to share a thought … I am 22 years old, unmarried and living at home with my family. My conviction is that home is the best place for an unmarried daughter to be … under her father’s authority and serving her family first and foremost (which does not need to restrict her from serving others). I also have had the opportunity to run several home businesses and I am the editress of a magazine that is designed to encourage women of all ages, but especially those who are unmarried, in femininity and Biblical womanhood.

But the thought that I wanted to share is this … I used to think that Titus 2 was telling the older women to teach the young wives how to love their husbands and children, keep the home, be discreet, chaste, etc. Recently, I did a short study of that passage and found that the word for “young women” simply meant “young or “youthful” … it didn’t specifically mean “young wife”. That was an interesting perspective for me and I believe that the young women referred to in Titus 2 are really unmarried young ladies. The older women should be teaching the unmarried young women all these things so that they can learn and practice BEFORE they enter marriage and begin raising a family. I am grateful that my parents have raised my sisters and me in this way, but my mother was not raised this way and had a lot of learning to do once she was married and started having children. I know that many other women have similar experiences and find themselves unprepared for marriage.

So my personal opinion is that while most people interpret the young women in Titus 2 as being young wives, this Scripture is really instructing the older women to teach the unmarried women. The years before marriage are the perfect time for us to be learning and practicing these things instead of waiting until we get married to start learning!

Thank you for sharing!

Justine May 31, 2013

I am 19 years old, the oldest of ten. I’ve been homeschooled all my life, and I am hoping to be trained in midwifery. I think midwifery is wonderful, and I think most of you would agree. However, this means I must go to school, and to go to school I must have money, which means I must work. So right now I am working shift work at an automotive parts factory. I live at home, but I don’t help out that much since I am working full time and taking online courses. I do hope one day to marry and keep a house, but I think I have been well trained by my mother for this job. To make it clear I don’t plan on working if I get married, though that could change depending on the circumstances.
I do find it interesting how you say there is no higher calling for a woman than to be a wife and mother. Isn’t a woman’s highest calling wherever God is calling her to be?

Kelly May 31, 2013

Justine,

Finding “God’s calling” is much easier when we hold Scripture as His revealed will instead of trusting our feelings or “calling” which is often a misused word to justify what it is we want to do. I’m not convinced He calls anyone to a particular occupation, but that the “calling” in Scripture refers to our belonging to Him in the faith.

If I used the word “highest calling” anywhere (I know I didn’t here), I am referring to what I believe Scripture does instruct women to do: make home their first priority.

I think it’s wonderful that you are studying to be a midwife, something my daughter has also considered. It’s a flexible job that allows you to keep a home your priority. I think if we went that route, simple because of the season we are in, we would try to find a job that was as flexible as possible, like the horse-riding lessons she gave last year.

PrincessR May 31, 2013

Wow! Thank you for these lovely thoughts. As a daughter at home who has reached the ripe ole age of 22, I think your words are right on! This has been a bigger challenge than what I or my parents were thinking. BUT it has also been a bigger blessing!

Something that has taken us a while to learn is that there really is no “cookie cutter” way of doing it. Read the books, but don’t expect it to look that way in your life! Each family has different options available to them and can’t expect to look the same as everyone else. Each family needs to figure out where GOD wants His daughter to be! Not what the other homeschooling families think they need to be!

I really appreciated that your daughter is taking time to learn things. An online course can be an amazing tool yet one not many take advantage of! Sewing, cooking, cleaning, serving, gardening, are all good tools that the Lord will one day use through her!

Thank you for this post. It encouraged me that I am doing the right thing and it is such a blessing- both to myself and my parents! It is easy to get bogged down by the world and by what everyone else thinks you should be doing.

God Bless! Rebecca

Susan Anderson May 31, 2013

How refreshing! I always thought that my husband works super hard outside the home, so I can work super hard at home with our six children. I work part-time now, with my husband. I am flabbergasted at women when they say that they don’t cook, because they don’t enjoy cooking. I think, “Well, we all have to eat. Someone has to cook, even if it’s the chef getting paid at the restaurant.” I believe that if we want our children to grow up to have a certain character, we can only expect it to develop if we have developed it within ourselves. I am not always inspired in the kitchen, but am glad to set a table for my family. I want my daughters to grow up knowing how to cook and doing it for love of the family. I think that these homemaking skills are part of what build a family and a home. Call me old-fashioned.

Joluise June 1, 2013

Whilst I work outside the home, I am also a homemaker as I live in a home and take great care of it. I love caring for my home, cooking fresh homecooked meals, making it comfortable and sharing it with my husband. We all need to learn these skills so we don’t live in a mess. We all need to love caring for our home as its the place we can find refuge from the world.

Carrie June 1, 2013

The Bible nowhere forbids a woman from working outside the home. However, the Bible does teach what a woman’s priorities are to be. If working outside the home causes a woman to neglect her children and husband, then it is wrong for that woman to work outside the home. If a Christian woman can work outside the home and still provide a loving, caring environment for her children and husband, then it is perfectly acceptable for her to work outside the home. With those principles in mind, there is freedom in Christ. Women who work outside the home should not be condemned, and neither should women who focus on the stewardship of the home be treated with condescension.

Lara B. September 29, 2013

Thank you for writing about adult daughters who still live in their parent’s house! I am 25, homeschooled, and still at home, so this article was a timely encouragement to me. I have struggled my fiery and dramatic personality my whole life, desperate to pursue SOME kind of amazing “career” so I could be “somebody”…when all the time the Lord was gently but firmly saying, “NO.” After much deep prayer, I now know that the Lord is leading me to be homemaker, that must humble and beautiful way of life that American women have been taught to despise and even fear! Thank the Lord, I am now at peace following the path the Lord has chosen for me! That said, there are times when I feel weak and afraid, wondering how this can be my path when I haven’t even had a boyfriend or ever been asked out in the entire history of my life…but every time I begin to shake, the Lord takes me in His arms and comforts me with His promises. Articles like this one are a great blessing to women like me; thank you for taking the time to share your story! I truly believe the Lord led me to it today. Shalom and blessings, Lara <3

Sara June 1, 2014

I just found your blog and your post via a pin on Pinterest.

I just wanted to share that I am a stay at home Adult Daughter. I will be nearing my 40th birthday this year and have continuted to be single. My parents and I are best of friends and although I am well equipped to be a wife that hasn’t been the path that has been mine. Instead I have been a blessing to two wonderful parents. And through the years my dad has had health problems which I was able to help my parents through. Beyond that I needed busy hands ..and because of my love for sewing my mom and I opened a small business where we offer home linens. Wether the Lord brings me into marriage late in life or contiunes me down this path I am contented. But early on it was difficult, to be prepared for marriage and not have it happen, to see other’s married and having children proved to be very difficult. But the Lord saw me through and showed me that he had a different path for me and that my skills could be used in other ways. Please know if you are young and not married it’s o.k. Follow the Lords direction and your life will be full and happy. Be a blessing to other’s and your family.

Christina @ The Hope Chest December 13, 2016

Amen! I especially appreciated your introduction. So true!

I still live at home (at 38!). I think it’s good but not mandatory.

I also think that while homemaking is a perfectly good profession (and my personal first choice), the world benefits from women in other professions as well (but EVERY woman should still learn how to be a homemaker and every woman IS a homemaker, at least if she is married or has children).

I also think every woman should be capable of earning a living (or adding to the family income if necessary) but that doesn’t mean she has to work. Women shouldn’t be valued by whether or not they earn money, nor should work be valued by money (or who it’s done for).

Kelly May 31, 2013

I don’t think there is any biblical precedent that your leaving at 29 is “bad”; as I said, each family must make decisions best suited to their circumstances. I will say that financially, I can see it as unnecessary. Also, a healthy marriage is a union of two individuals coming together as “one flesh.” We forget that. The transition from being part of a family unit to a marriage unit is natural. A person, in the Bible, was always a part of a unit, single or married. And even as members of the body of Christ we are not to think of ourselves as “individuals” but parts of a body. Just to clarify.

Comments on this entry are closed.

{ 2 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: