Dear Small One,
We have not yet met face to face, though I feel you very much alive as my belly rolls with your turns. Oh that I could always protect and harbor you as you are now! This world you are soon to enter is a rough one, and already your very existence has been called into question – the very value of your life joked about and scorned.
I want you to know, small one, that you are alive for a reason. You have purpose and destiny and no one can negate with their words the fact that you are created by a Creator who loves you. As I’m sure you can already hear, there is a lot of life going on outside your current snug little home. As I type out these words, your brothers and sisters are racing bikes down the driveway, the dogs are barking and giving chase, the fall wind is whipping around everyone and everything and the siblings closest in age to you are climbing and cuddling around your growing form.
Each of us is thrilled and excited with the anticipation of soon meeting you nose to nose and saying “hello”. You are wanted and loved. Your brother, Chase, who is four, has carefully helped fold and sort your wee clothes and Ella, who’s six, piles and pats the stack of adorable little cloth diapers waiting for you. We all talk about how soft you’ll be and how awesome it is that God is sending us you. There are guesses all around about your name, how much you’ll weigh, when exactly you’ll come, and how long you are. Soon the final guesses will be written down and when you do arrive, the best guesser from each category will be rewarded with a little extra chocolate sweetness.
The cradle is waiting with clean, soft vintage bedding. Stacks of meals are made and frozen for your arrival. Snacks and new little toys and books to help occupy your siblings will wait in a basket by my bed and your papa is searching and searching for a bigger vehicle that will hold us all.
I’m writing this because I want you to know right from the start that you are wanted and you are loved and that you aren’t any sort of mistake. After three children, your papa and I thought we were done having babies, upon finding out that any future children had a high probablility of malformed kidneys as one of your older brothers does. We are so glad God intervened against our wishes. I find it hard for my mother’s heart to understood this culture that can accept the notion of loving a first or second child but cannot comprehend loving a seventh miracle and wonder, which is what you are. I’ve protected you thus far from stinging words, from those who claim to know Christ but do quickly forget how God values life and children.
I won’t be able to protect you forever. When your life is questioned, small one, hold your head high as a child of God. When assumptions are made about your life, your home, family or your financial backing, smile and bless those who curse you. Take delight in being a person of purpose, in the joyful mayhem of your home, of endless playmates and room to run and a mama who makes treats and loves hugs and a papa to gives scratchy kisses and tickles. Take joy in knowing and being known by God. Savor the richness of being so very much anticipated and loved.
See you soon,
Your mama, Hannah