I got married at 18 years old.
Looking back I can now see just how young I really was. I have been married for almost five wonderfully amazing and sometimes hard years. I still wouldn’t change it for anything. The one thing I would change is how I didn’t know how to really do anything when I got married. I learned how to do my own laundry a week before I got married and my husband still had to show me a few times. I had made cookies but never a full sit-down meal. I’m glad my husband has the patience of Job because it took a good two years for me to get into the homemaker swing of things. My mother is amazing but she did everything for us (at the time it was GREAT) now looking back I wish I was more willing to take care of myself a bit more.
My daughters could get married at 18, yours could to. It is so important that we prepare them for the responsibility of maintaining a household. Which is why this site is so amazing! Our daughters need to know how to do the laundry, cook a meal and so forth. But we also need to be teaching them about being a wife and what the biblical role of submission looks like. How to respect their husband as the leader in their home and how to forgive and let go. Sometimes we get so caught up in the outwardness of taking care of the home that we can look over the inward parts that make up a marriage.
So while we are teaching our daughters how to sew, cook and do the laundry, also be talking to them about marriage and what it means to be a biblical wife.
Photo by elisnet
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Honestly, when a friend shared this page with me, my first thought was “they had internet in the 1950′s…?” because this entire website belongs there. I really cannot believe that you would not encourage your daughters to pursue their education and have their own dreams. First of all, no one needs to sew. It’s 2011 and they sell clothes in department stores. They have for some many years now. Secondly, why should men be encouraged to be demanding and lazy? Everyone should be responsible for cleaning their own mess, whether dishes, laundry, etc. A marriage is TWO parts, two people working TOGETHER. Responsibilities should be shared, not given to the woman to carry the burden. A REAL man treats his woman with respect and not a modern day slave. I find it so tragic that so many women are held behind in this way of thinking. Young women should be following their dreams of being doctors, lawyers, or even a wife/mother, if that is what they WANT to be, not what someone tells them they have to be. Mindsets like this take women back years, and strips away all the efforts and sacrifice so many women have made to give women the rights they have today to vote and be treated equally, rather than second-grade citizens. Women need to be taught to have respect for themselves and hold themselves up, and not NEED a man. Marriage is a gift, not an obligation. Women should not be getting married at 18. They should be finding out who they are, separate from a man. Until they realize WHO they are in Christ and what God has called them to be, they should not even be considering marriage in the first place. I really hope that this site changes to give women what they need, and not backwards ways of thinking that only hold women back. By restricting women to being just housewives, we are holding them back from the call and destiny God has on their lives, and not allowing them to activate their gifts to impact the lives of others.
You’re way ahead of the game, Meghan! Very wise thoughts for today. Thanks for the encouragement.
You are so right with this post. This is a topic that has been on my heart lately. I am working on my relationship with my husband because I know it directly affects the rest of the home.
Meghan, I love this post! Well done!
Michelle, this website has absolutely nothing to do with the objectification of women, encouraging men to be ‘demanding and lazy’, or telling girls that they cannot be educated. For that matter, many of the writers on this webpage are college graduates with successful home-based businesses, so not only are they well-educated, they are successful business women, professional speakers, and gifted writers.
It is for those of us who see the beauty in our desire to be keepers at home and for those of us who see the necessity of teaching our daughter how to do the same so that whenever they begin their adult lives, they are not faced with the 2 or 3 year (or longer) learning curve that’s common in women when they leave the ‘nest’. Like it or not, even ‘liberated’ women will end up with the majority of domestic duties because they care more than their husbands do about how the house is cleaned and how it’s decorated, etc.
Whether a woman gets married or not, she will still have to be a home-maker. Whether she has a career or not, she will still have to be a home-maker. Whether she graduates college, joins the army, starts a convent, WHATEVER women set their minds to doing, they will STILL be home-makers. Instead of blindly denying that fact in the search for women’s liberation or equal rights, she would be much better off admitting it and preparing for it- it will save her years of heart-ache and trouble. It’s not backward thinking, it’s reality.
I am not sure who gave this site to Michelle. Though her point of view is common, and valid in some styles of peoples lives, I think she has misunderstood that women today have been stripped of their strength when it comes to home making. Yes. We can buy clothes in a department store, as can the 50 million other people wearing the exact same outfit, that was sewn by ‘slaves’ in China. It would be nice to make clothes that are original, creative, and an expression of my individual personality. I am a 36 yr old, stay at home, homeschooling mom to 5 children. Not only did I not know how to cook a meal, organize and arrange a home, but also, I felt overwhelmed, and at times still do, by the list of tasks I MUST do for my family. I don’t want them to eat take out every night, or wear brand names of mass produced clothes that cost too much, and I want them to feel ‘taken care of’, loved, nurtured, and well trained in various skills that make them strong, self reliant individuals. This holds true for the boys as well as the girls. I want my girls to know that they can care for their family should the need arise, but also know how to care for and maintain cars, yards, and manage money. For my sons, I want them to know how to cook a meal, do their laundry, and care for children in a gentle manner. I want them to get married because they found a loving, capable partner to share their lives with, not to run all the stuff they can’t. Partnership includes both parties fulfilling their roles and tasks in their partnership, and sometimes needing to run the other duties of the home as well. For my husband and I, the truth is, he makes more money then I would, so my role is home care, as is common in todays society, men often still make more then women. Our value as women has been fully stripped out. Not only were we told we could be lawyers and doctors, therefore, not needing ‘homemaker’ skills, but seriously, the planet today needs more people with ‘everyday’ jobs, rather than university trained workers. And facts are, men make more money at the everyday jobs as labourers, tradesmen, service techs, and managers and foremen. So us women are usually left, going into the half of the partnership, untrained, unappreciated, and full of anxiety as life thrusts upon us all these roles (teacher, nurse, cook, psyciatrist, cleaner, mediator, games developer…the list is endless) with little or no skills to preform then efficiently. Give a lawyer my job for one day, and I promise you, my value as a homemaker would jump. This job of raising capable young people needs to be done by the ones who care most the outcome, the parents. And today, we see too little of this. Women have been force fed this notion of equality, but as a woman, I can say, MY job is the most important and I came into it untrained, and hope my children are not left in the same situation as they enter adulthood. As far as the submission part goes…some one must be the captain of the plane. And men were who God assigned the job to. Headship requires less strength then submission. So us ladies, we got the hardest, most powerful roles.
Mothers should be teaching their daughters how to cook, but sadly most mothers don’t know how either. It makes me sick to my stomach when I look into the grocery carts of families and see what they are eating. Whether you want to be a doctor or not, everyone should know how to cook healthy meals. It’s really hard to learn how to cook when you have people already depending on you for a meal. There’s no room for error because people are hungry, and you can’t experiment with different foods if you don’t know how to make the basics. Cooking can be very enjoyable especially when done together as a family and having the basics of cooking down eliminates a lot of stress. And even “liberated” women like to sew…it’s called a hobby, something many women find enjoyable.
When we are teaching our daughters the basics of life, like cooking, we can tell them that cooking a meal for your children and husband is an act of service which is Love in Action. We can say “I love you” to our families all day long, but if we do nothing to show that love, it’s just words.
Michelle,
What you aren’t seeming to realize is that regardless of when (or if!) our children get married, these are still very important life lessons for them! Should we be independent women who can manage on our own? Absolutely! You will never hear me disagree with that. BUT, we should also be independent women who can do our own laundry, cook, and yes, heaven forbid, sew! I’m an extremely modern woman, but I can assure you, I sew regularly! It’s artistic and necessary. Would you rather your daughter be the woman that cries and has to miss her senior Prom (or whatever!) because she gets a small tear in her dress a few minutes before she leaves- or the young woman that TAKES CARE OF THE PROBLEM HERSELF. Maybe if we as a society didn’t raise our children (and ourselves!) to be so codependent on technology and slothfulness, we’d be in a much better position, right now. @ your comment about enabling men to be demanding and lazy, obviously you’ve never been in a healthy, Christ-driven relationship. Have you never read Meghan’s blog? One thing that I know for sure, her husband, Justin, works extremely hard to take care of their family. It’s a two part system. He works extremely hard outside the home and she works extremely hard in the home. And they both work extremely hard on their spiritual life together.
Anyways, regardless of whether your daughter gets married at 18 (because that does happen! Regardless of your opinion, beliefs, complaints, etc. It’s one of the marvelous things about being a young adult) or never gets married, you should teach her early about how to run a home (by doing laundry, cooking, cleaning) and how to have healthy relationships, not just with her future husband, but with everyone she comes into contact with. Teaching her how to forgive and move past things and take care of herself can only benefit her in the long run!
Great post! My girls are still little, but I like to teach them in the kitchen and have plans to hve them learn to plan, shop for and prepare an entire meal. I am also noticing how many women do not cook anymore; I help organize meals for families at our church and it is getting harder to get those filled because many women simply do not cook, which is really sad.
I was married at 19 years old and I have not regretted it. We will be married 11 years this year and have 5 beautiful children.
Michelle,
We are given the choice to be homemakers and often times that choice requires a sacrifice for our own wants. Sometimes it means things are put on hold for a while, or sometimes we work them in together with being at home. I choose to stay home because I believe that’s the role and calling God has for us and I teach my daughter the same.
Being a helper to my husband does not indicate or enable him to be lazy. Or any wife who serves her husband. Husband’s work, too.
And I can’t speak for other women here, but I don’t like what this society has turned women into. I’d love to go back even before the 1950s when women valued being in the home, caring for their children, their husbands, and their homes. As someone who walks with God, I am a little surprised you don’t realize our role as women is to be helpers for our husbands. That was why we were created and if women took their roles more seriously, our men would be empowered and courageous. Not beat down and treated like children by their wives because “we have dreams, too and how dare you stand in my way.”
If the woman is off doing her own thing, who is caring for her family? Who drives her husband into the arms of another woman and her children into the thrusts of society? Being married doesn’t automatically promise a lasting or blissful marriage. It takes work. It takes sacrifice. It takes deciding what’s more important. Caring for children and raising them to be competent adults who understand morality and who put Jesus in the center of their lives cannot be fully accomplished if we are not present.
The Bible is clear about women being keepers at home and helpers to our husbands. That does not change with time. It only changes with opinion. God’s design for us has not changed. It’s no wonder there are so many broken families and the divorce rate is so high–even among the Christians. There are always exceptions to the rule, but what it comes down to is us {men & women} not following God’s design for marriage and family.
Wow… I’m really surprised at all the responses towards Michelle. Where’s the love of Christ? She may not have shown love, but it’s our DUTY as Christians to show love in the face of evil. Don’t get your panties in a bunch over someone who disagrees. You can show how you disagree w/o being rude.
I need to clarify that my comment above is meant matter-of-factly, not defensively.
Sorry I didn’t clarify that.
I was so encouraged by reading this post! I have three daughters whom we are raising to serve the Lord mightily no matter where “home” is for them.
I have been studying the “Virtuous Wife” of Proverbs 31 lately. I am thankful for the example God has clearly set before us in Scripture! And I am more thankful for the grace that He pours out on His children to attain the standard He’s set for us! I could never hope to be a good wife or mom without His patience & guidance.
We teach our daughters how to clean, cook, sew, and how to treat their mom and dad with respect. We look forward to seeing the fruit of our labors in Christ when our daughters are grown and capable women, serving the Lord in their homes!
So now I’m the face of evil? Yeah that’s definitely the “love” of Christ right there. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. You know what, I take what I wrote before back, you guys would be better off cleaning, cooking, and sewing, than doing anything else–especially blogging. It’s probably really for the best.
my daughter married at 19 and I believe I prepared her very well now I have 2 more daughters that are that age and my prayer is it was done as well your article is one I will share with others
Let me just say that I appreciate this post very much, as well as the responses to Michelle’s comment. I will have to disagree with Danielle B in insinuating that the responses were rude. It is such a waste of time to get offended over “the tone” of what someone says. My opinion is, if you want to take offense, take offense at WHAT was said, not HOW it was said!
In response to Meghan’s post … I am very grateful that my mother has taken the time to teach my sisters and I how to be homemakers. One of the most instrumental examples, is the way that she loves and respects my father … their love for each other makes our home secure and has shown me what type of marriage relationship I want to have!
Great post!! I so appreciate that my own Mother has made sure that my sisters and I know household duties well, but also that we understood the biblical reasoning that lies behind a women being a warrior for Christ by fulfilling her calling as a wife and mother
Michelle, I think that the main thing we can all do for you is pray that God will open your eyes and reveal the truth to you regarding His purpose for women. No one ever says that women are less than men or that they are somehow slaves to men. All Christians (male and female) are meant to be servants; however, the woman is meant to be a servant to her husband so that he can better serve his family and the field in which God has placed him. The Bible clearly states that man is the head of woman (1 Cor. 11:3) Women who have chosen to be wives and mothers for the purpose of fulfilling God’s role outlined in His word, are doing so because they recognize how invaluable it is for the kingdom of Christ! Women were created different from men; not for the purpose of conflict, but in order that she may compliment him and help him fulfill the dominion mandate and such. All of this is essential to understanding why God has called women to the role that He has. God has designed a beautiful plan, and satan knows how strong and mighty it can be for God’s glory when properly embraced and understood…that is why he is seeking so desperately to impute feminism on every generation of women. But God is stronger and is doing a wonderful work by softening the hearts of so many Christians to seek Him and love the role He has established for them. I will pray that He will bring conviction to your heart as well…
I am 19 and hoping to get married next year, Lord willing. My mother has been a working mom and a SAHM but between her, my two nanas, and my great-grandma they’ve taught me all the skills listed above. Oh and 1 great Home Ec teacher thanks Mrs.Gossen
It does not take 18 years to learn these skills or even 5 years. I am currently tackling the task of learning how to coupon. I am also in school to be a registered nurse w/absolutely NO debt due to scholarships. I think daughters should be able to pursue vocational skills of some form not just the traditional college model. However, it shouldn’t be ruled out if that is what your daughter needs to accomplish 1 of her goals that can bless her family just as much as learning homemaking skills. I would love to own my own home business when/if I have children, Lord willing. I love reading here as it is very encouraging and I pray that all the moms here will allow their daughter to pursue some form of vocation that can be done from home.
Proverbs 31 verses: 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
I got married at 18 as well and I can identify with this 100%! I don’t regret anything about when I got married other than not being well prepared to be a homemaker (as far as the skills I came into marriage with). I’ve since learned many things and am already teaching my little ones (though only 5, 3, and 1).
Perhaps this is a little late, but I would like to begin my comment by stating how much I appreciate this website and the women who contribute to it. Homemaking is an honorable ministry which often does not receive the credit it is due.
However, I would also like to restore some balance to this conversation. My understanding of this blog is that its underlying premise is to promote the art of homemaking as ultimately a means of glorifying God (please correct me if I am wrong.) In my mind, this message does not preclude the possibility that there are other ways a woman might glorify God, even if those ways exist outside of the home.
I am a twenty-one year old college student. I am not married, and I do not yet own my own home. I consider myself a God-fearing woman and a Christian. I also consider myself a feminist, in the original meaning of the term, being that I believe in equal rights for women and the right of a woman to choose for herself how her life shall be directed, and not have that decision made for her by her family or society. I believe that whether a woman feels called to minister in the home or minister elsewhere, that decision is between God and her. This belief does not mean that I do not respect God’s biblical design for men and women, and it certainly does not mean I do not value the art of homemaking. I feel called to be a wife and mother someday, and in the meantime I have set myself to the task of learning how to cook and keep a home so that I will be prepared when that day arrives. However, I also feel called to a career in law, and I have watched in awe as God has opened doors for me I could not have imagined and granted me success in my academic endeavors. If I ever feel the day comes that God does not want me to be both a homemaker and a lawyer, then I will do as He commands. Otherwise, I will strive to serve Him wherever He leads, whether that is as a full-time homemaker or not. A woman’s calling is always sacred, so long as she does her work to the glory of God.
Thanks for such a wonderful post!
I am greatly blessed by it.
In regards to what Michelle posted:
Background: I was a woman of the world, in my past (as a Christian). I excelled at sport, spent all my time training and studying to achieve in the world as I grew up. I succeeded in the “world”, and by its standards. I was the top in sports in my region, in a number of sports codes and I was always top academically too. I went to university, continued to succeed and then got brilliant job offers. The world sat at my feet.
Reflection: When I got married, I never knew how to cook, sew, do laundry. The saddest thing of all was that because I spent so much time on myself and me and what I wanted to do in the world…that I had no development of the fruit of the Spirit. I was completely selfish. Self-driven by my own selfish desires. This backfired when I got married, and when we had our first child. I simply could not be satisfied in the home as I knew nothing and I had none of the characters or fruit of the Spirit. I had no gentleness, quietness, no real joy, no peacefulness, no genuine kindness towards others (I was completely selfish), and had no self-control.
It has taken me almost 9 years of marriage to get my act together for the Lord. And realise what the Lord God actually has to say about this.
The world wants you to become self driven, whereas Christ wants us to be self-less. They are complete opposites.
We have to look at what and how God designed us as women. What was the purpose for God creating us. This will may incense you or annoy you to hear (this is pretty normal reaction of our flesh to oppose what God wants for us). God designed us as women to be helpers. Helper to our husbands.
I absolutely believe that the mother is the caregiver of the children and she has the most wonderful role to fulfil.
Nothing that I achieved in the “world” can compare to what I am doing with my daughter each day. Raising her up to become a godly young women, who wants to please God, who is self-less and readily able to give up her wants for the good of someone else & a daughter who is able to recognise the desires of the Spirit compared to the desires of the flesh.
A women who is successful in the world is not at all going to be willing to want to stay home and raise her children into godly men and women. The statistics show that precious preschoolers are sent off to childcare and raised by people who will never care like their own mother would. Let alone that they one of 30-40 other children with 2-3 teachers. No wonder our world is so screwed up.
I absolutely believe that there is evidence in the world that suggests that women who leave their child raising to others has caused huge problems. In the world, families fall apart, children are increasingly rebellious and disobedient, divorce rates are so high that it is one in two marriage end in our part of the world. Pornography is on the rise. Women’s health issues like anorexia, bulimia are on the rise. Immodesty is ripe etc etc…
Yes, I believe that women who are completely self-driven to be successful for themselves are not following God but their own desires. The facts are that God created women to be the helper of man. If she is at work, fulfiling her dreams, leaving at 6am (gym – work – socialising etc) getting home at 7/8pm, there is no time or energy left for her children, let alone be the helper she is designed to be for her husband.
The key here is how and what did God design women to be and do….therein lies your answer. Not what you think you want to do and what makes you feel good, but what God wants.
IN response to some of Michelle’s comments, “An 18 year old that doens’t know who they are? They should be finding out who they are apart from a husband?”
I would suggest that there are some incredibly godly women at 18 year of age that understand who they are in Christ…far more than probably you and I. Why? Because they were raised in godly and biblical manner. You just can’t compare. The ways of the Spirit appear foolishness to the world. This is exactly how that comment came across. It may appear foolish to you, but in fact it is a real precious pearl to the Lord. How does the Lord see a young girl at 18 year sold who has been raised selflessly, willing to submit because of her obedience training, a young girl full of the fruit of the Spirit, a young girl who is practically ready to run a home (ready to marry)….versus a young girl, raised to go out into the world to succeed for herself. Which one does the Lord honour? The Bible has an entire Proverbs dedicated to the description of the young girl I described in the first instance….it also paints a pretty accurate picture & description of Mary the mother of Jesus – chosen above all other women!
A daughter can know exactly who she is in Christ (look at examples in the Bible – Mary the mother of Jesus, Noah’s wife, Sarah, Esther, …the list goes on.
– going into the world and making mistakes (like I did) & succeeding in the world does nothing to help you “find out who you are in Christ”. A daughter who is learning to be helper to her parents, learning obedience immediately, learning to become self-less, someone who watches from when she is little her mother supporting her husband (her father) and giving up of herself to support him, is showing the character of Christ more than a girl who is taught to be self-driven and motivated by by her own desires and what appeals to her flesh, and not the Spirit.
I am not being “unloving”in my post. I have “been there done that”. I know the difference between pleasing myself versus pleasing God. I hope that my wisdom may encourage you to try and find out what God’s opinion on this is, instead of what you think or what to think is.
The Bible is not outdated and it is very clear on the description of a godly women and a godly wife and a godly young girl.
Watch out because God’s description & idea of a godly women really annoys our flesh & the pull of the world is very strong. Be of the Spirit not of the world.
Only through the grace and mercy of My Lord Jesus Christ & through the power of His Resurrection,
Sherid
Meghan, what a lovely post! I was married at 17 and boy do I wish I had known more when I got married. I did know how to cook, but clean, have a homemaking routine, etc? Not so much. Like you, my awesome husband had the patience of Job. I fought with myself for a long time over the conviction to be home while being taught that I needed to fend for myself and not count on my husband. Thankfully, God changed my heart and I am SO happy to be where I am today. People that think homemaking is demeaning and worthless are terribly confused and misguided. I’m so encouraged by the mothers and women today that are trying to raise up this next generation with the knowledge they need to care for themselves and their families!
Blessings,
Lindsey
Hello,
I’m curious as to why you think it is the women’s job to do the house work and be a “homemaker”. Everyone should know how to sew, cook, clean and do laundry. Those are just basic skills the we all learn over time. It’s important to teach both boys and girls these skills, not just girls. Why can’t women rely on their significant other to do some of those things as well. When women are treated as maids/cooks/nannies ect. the house becomes unbalanced. Unbalanced house holds are not healthy households. There’s a difference between raising your kids with necessary skills and raising girls to be “homemakers” without any other ambitions.
Camille
Meghan, I enjoyed reading this post and believe it is of much benefit for us as moms to be reminded of today. I got married without knowing a lot about keeping house, making full meals, etc., so I definitely see the wisdom in your thoughts. My mom also took care of everything when I was growing up, which I thought was great at the time, but now I realize it wasn’t a good life lesson for me. These responsibilities are reality. My husband and I, who have been married for 18 years (by God’s grace), have 3 daughters so this type of encouragement is very helpful to me and keeps my thinking in line with what the Lord would have me be training our daughters for in the future. Thanks for taking the time to share!