When I got married at 22, I didn’t know how to sew.
I didn’t really know how to keep a house clean.
I figured gardening was for hippies, and had nothing but faux plants in our new home. Anything else would have died.
Fortunately for my husband, I was one mean cook. I could distract him with things like homemade lasagna and lemon tarts so he didn’t notice my flaws so much.
This year, we celebrated our tenth anniversary recently and I realized something.
I still can’t sew. If a button needs replacing, I hand it to my husband.
I still don’t really understand true housekeeping. If I did, I wouldn’t be noticing grimy build up in certain parts of my home that probably haven’t been cleaned in ten years. Who knew you were supposed to pull out your stove and clean under there once in a while?
I figured out gardening isn’t for hippies, but the three dead science experiments show that I have no skills in that area, either.
I’m still a great cook, but that’s not enough anymore. My husband is starting to notice!
My oldest is less than five years away from finishing high school. I remember thinking I had a lifetime to teach her all the things I never learned. I am seriously behind. I could send her out to sewing classes, but you know what? I’m tired of it. I’m tired of cleaning by trial and error. I’m tired of paying to have pants hemmed. I’m tired of longing for a garden and being too scared to try.
So I’m doing something about it.
I signed up for a six week Basic Sewing class at a local fabric shop.
I joined a community garden that our whole family can help work in and learn from the experience of others at the same time.
I’ve ordered a few housekeeping books and decided to stop just getting by with housework and start getting serious.
I’m a little scared. I’m already a busy homeschooling mom. Yet I find that when I keep my priorities in order, God blesses my efforts, so I believe that I will be able to find the time to grow from Remedial Homemaker to just Homemaker.
Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll make the honors class.
Are there any skills you never learned that you’d like to pass on to your daughters?
It’s never too late!
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Angela, it’s so funny you mentioned these things because when I married at 20 (just about 16 years ago) I did not know how to sew OR cook, but I could keep a plant alive and appreciated good gardening from watching my parents do it all my childhood. My daughter is only 8, but I want so much more for her. My mom has started to teach her to sew (ironically, because I never learned) and because of my daughter’s love for helping in the kitchen I engage and encourage her and teach her along the way. I keep telling her that by the time she’s a teenager she’ll be able to do just about anything she wants to in the kitchen. And, she’s learning to BBQ!
It can take extra time to teach them, but it’s an investment in our relationship and their future homemaking. My husband and I bought our daughter her first sewing machine for her birthday last week, and she is excited to get started on some simple projects. Maybe I’ll learn from HER
.
I’m a non-gardener myself. I look at a plant and it dies. I want fresh homegrown veggies and fruits but that would mean I would have to actually be able to keep things alive past the sprouting stage. My dad’s a terrific gardener and I’ve been following him around and trying to learn from him since I could toddle. He sent me home with some strawberry plants and told me he’s going to find me something to start out with that I can’t kill… well the strawberries are dead and when I told him he tried not to laugh. He also laughed when I told him my plan this year for my flower bed:
On a serious not he’s still determined to find me a good starter plant that I cannot kill. Even with constant phonecalls to him and the best of advice I somehow managed to loose that poor pot of strawberries so I’m skeptical, but hopeful. And if I can’t get plants to grow ever, well then I guess I was just meant to grow babies. And that’s no second place to a garden for sure! 
Since I apparently can barely get seeds to sprout and then if they do I manage to kill them somehow shortly thereafter, I decided this year’s plan is to open some random packets of flower seeds and step out on my porch in a rain storm and shake out those seed packets over the railing. Then I walked down the steps, scratched my fingers around in the dirt to mix it up a wee bit, and walked away. 2 months later I somehow have Sweet Peas growing in my flower bed. I laughed so hard! Then I called Dad and he got a serious chuckle out of it too.
My husband and I started our first garden this year. I highly recommend Square Food Gardening by Mel Bartholomew. We started with seeds (didn’t start them indoors, just planted straight in the beds) and EVERYTHING grew! Some of it didn’t survive, but we’re learning as we go. It was a huge boost that everything at least came up even if it didn’t hang around. Square foot gardening uses a mixture for soil of 1/3 peat moss, 1/3 vermiculite, 1/3 compost (we only used one kind…mushroom). It makes a great growing start for plants. I’ve actually been able to can 4 pints of pickles and my husband loves it!
I hear you! I knew how to clean but preferred to do other, more fun things. Though when I’m in the mood to clean, watch out!
My problem is more organization and keeping cleaning from being such a big thing that I avoid it. I highly recommend http://www.flylady.net and “Speed Cleaning” by Jeff Campbell. (You might want to double check the author’s name.) He owns a cleaning company in California and these are routines that his crews follow.
I’m a terrible gardener and would love for my girls to be able to grow a good vege garden and enjoy it! Our neighbour is a great gardener and my girls often wander over to give him a hand so I am hoping he might pass some of his green fingers onto them. Every year we try and grow something. Last year I had a bumper crop of strawberries that was yielding 2kg a week for a while. Sadly I got some mite in the dirt so they are all gone now. When summer comes again we will have another go at something else, hopefully with better results than the last vege garden. I’m grateful I can sew, knit, cook and clean all reasonably well so I am confident my girls will leave home with a few good skills under their belt.
I’m glad I’m not alone
Actually, I got married 9 years ago not knowing how to do ANY of those things (cooking included), so my poor husband has had to put up with a lot over the years. It’s great you’re doing something about it. The only thing to remember with books is that you have to actually take action from what you learn. I say this only because I love to read and read and read & sometimes I’ll breeze through a book and just store the info in my head (or forget it) and not do anything with what I learned! I too feel there is so much I have to learn to teach my daughters (all 5 of them!)
Girl – I am so with you – I have a long way to go in certain areas – but we must give these things a try if we will ever learn! We just began our very first garden this year. I blogged about it here:
http://womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/2010/06/our-very-first-garden.html
Things aren’t looking perfect – some things aren’t coming up or if they are – I’m not recognizing them and pulling them as weeds – uhoh!!! lol!
But I figure in 5 years we’ll be pros at this – gotta start sometime – why not today? And might as well bring our daughters along in our learning process – they’ll be so blessed to have this knowledge already someday!
Learning and growing together!
Courtney
Sign me up for the Sewing class. I tried my hand at it as a teenager – my grandmother was an expert seamstress, but my mom was a cook extraordinaire, so my sewing was limited. I can cook okay – although my husband raves more often than not – but I’d LOVE to sew more – make clothes or even sell things. The sound of the sewing machine reminds me so much of my grandmother because what little time we got to spend together, she was always working on a project in her sewing room…
Gardening for me is a hobby – I prefer no plants inside – and can grow tomatoes pretty well, but am no gardening expert. I’d like to improve that, as well, and add canning & preserving to my repertoire!!!
My problem? Not only teaching them these things I was not taught myself….but teaching them the JOY in it. When often I do not have joy in it. That is the taxing part to me.
Ha! I can relate! I got married at 21, and even though I could sew a little, I definitely couldn’t cook, which was awful since my new mother-in-law was a gourmet cook (and never used recipes!) We just celebrated our 25th anniversary (I have a very patient and loving husband) and I would consider myself an average cook, but I am still trying. More importantly, I am strongly encouraging my daughters to learn the skills of a good homemaker. They can all cook pretty well for their ages, and I try to nurture their desires to learn new handwork skills. Now the cleaning of the house is not quite so much fun for them!
But I persist! I would love to learn how to garden, but we live in Texas (SO hot) along a creek where the soil has so much hard clay that it is very difficult to get anything to grow. But we are considering container gardening so that we can start a kitchen garden with herbs and small veggies. I read a lot of books about the different areas of homemaking, and dream about improving myself, and about my daughters starting their marriages as much better homemakers than I was! 
Thanks for the encouraging post.
Way to be pro-active!!! I also enjoy Flylady.com It has been a huge help.
I didnt know how to do anything when i got married at 19 (am 22 now) – so this year im teaching myself to cook, and sew- I had a garden but it died- and am still learning how to budget (yikes!). I learn all these things so my daughter (and even my sons) wont have to make the mistakes ive made – squandered money, wasteful attitude etc.
Good for you for taking action and being willing to learn! That’s a wonderful example for your whole family. By the way, my husband had to teach me to iron when we married. Thank the Lord for patient husbands!
I got married at 22 also, and didn’t know how to even cook then! Now I’m 29 and at least my husband says he’s impressed with how far I’ve come (with the cooking). I’m starting to learn to sew and I’m a novice gardener (though this summer I’m pregnant and it’s not going quite as well!). Housework…could use a lot of improvement there….wait, you’re supposed to pull the appliances out and clean under them?
Well I’ll have to add that one to the list. haha The other day I finally took some curtains down to be washed (they were getting pretty gross) but the only reason I ended up noticing and actually doing that is because I’m hitting the nesting phase. 
I’ve definitely been a work in progress! I admire you for taking the steps now to improve and tackle those issues head on!
My mother taught me just about every homemaking skill out there. Some I enjoyed and have been able to develop to the level of an expert. Some I do, but only the bare minimum required to get by. I have taught my daughters all the homemaking skills. Each one has been very good at some of them and have performed those for the household. But every daughter has skills she dislikes and avoids if possible. So with division of labor, just about everything gets done. But each individual daughter is going to leave this household weak in some areas. My oldest’s best skills are the ones she uses to help her father ala Return of the Daughters. They have a great relationship and she loves helping him… but most of these are not “homemaking” skills. So you can lead a horse to water…
This is also good to remember Kin – we are responsible to teach our daughters what we can, but they are the ones who will go forth and do what they are called to do. It’s so good to remember that God gifts us all differently. So I need to remind myself when I get down on myself for lacking in housekeeping skills. I am gifted in other areas! Not that it’s OK to give up on the housekeeping, but it’s good to not get too discouraged by what we’re not doing when we think about what we ARE doing.
OH I can relate to your post. This is where God has my heart right now. I have a 16yo daughter, and I am thinking about what I have not taught her yet. And it makes me reflect where I was at her age… NO direction, NO teacher, No Lord to guide me. And that is the biggest difference…THE LORD. Not only is he guiding my daughter, but me as well. It is amazing the wonderful things our Lord will help us (mothers) with when our hearts are in line with His purpose. His grace will be there for my daughter and I as well as you and your daughter.
I got married at 19. I’m 26 now. We’ll be married 7 years this year. My sewing skills are seriously lacking. I would love to at least be able to hem things! I am a good cook, and try to keep up on the housekeeping. That’s not as perfect as I’d like, but I’m working on it. I love flylady.net as well. I don’t “shine my sink” every night, but I have incorporated a lot of what they say into my daily tasks. I love gardening, although this year I haven’t had much enthusiasm… I do have some tomatoes, squash, cucumber, strawberries, and mint in. I let the green bean die though, oops! I love my flower garden too!! Again, lacking the enthusiasm this year, lol! I’m still a work in progress though!!
I am still struggling with these things! I want my daughters to know all the things I didn’t. I am trying to learn and have them learn with me. I think keeping the house clean and tidy is one of the hardest for me. My oldest daughter has taught herself to sew and knit – now she just has to teach me!!
You know what is wonderful about our Lord? He gives you a dose of something you need at just the right time..in this case..my husband and I were just talking about this very thing last evening. I was “bellyaching” about not having certain skills to pass on to our daughters..he told me..”learn them then”…that combined with this post today..could the Lord be telling me something? To stop talking and start doing?
My mom taught me zero housekeeping skills. She was a single mom so a lot we learned on our own…cooking was the only one I mastered. I do know how to crochet and some sewing (though I’m horrible at putting it off). I am pregnant with our second son and praying that God will continue to grow me in this area before we have daughters.
WOW!!! I can soooooo relate! I tell my girls, if you don’t learn these homemaking skills before marriage, it is very difficult to learn them after.
Wow! I thought the content of this post was incredible – I was thrilled to learn that there was someone else like me in this world. But then I read the comments and I am most certainly not alone – YAY! I was raised by a wonderful mother who stayed home with us, yet had some feminist tendencies. She taught us cooking and my husband and children are grateful for that. However, I didn’t learn the sewing or cleaning or organizing very well. I don’t think it’s becuase she didn’t teach them – I remember chores – I think it’s that I either didn’t use the skills and thus forgot them; or I rebelled and went as far away from them as possible.
I am learning to garden (we’re on our second year), preserve (I’ve made a little jam and blanched/frozen some peas), sew (I’ve made my daughter some bloomers) and clean. But I am not good at any of them yet. I will keep trying though. I have to admit one of the blessings of this has been learning right alongside my daughter. She sees that I don’t know everything, but am willing to learn. She enjoys time spent just with her. And she sees the value in continuing to learn. So, like with Joseph (but on a much smaller scale), God is taking a negative and turning it in to a positive. For that I am grateful!
Thanks for a great post!
Thank you for this post(and commenters, thank you all the wonderful comments)I was beginning to think i was the only one that grew up not knowing a thing about how to care for a husband and children.
There are so many skills i never learned that i want to know how to do. One of the most pressing may seem a bit…carnal?– but i never learned how to not wear my feelings on my shoulder; as a result every emotion i feel plays across my face- automatically. If my emotions get “too high” things get worse. I was never taught what to do with my emotions.(yes, i was a total spoiled brat.)I want to know how to control that area. We, as women, and wives have great power, and i’m tired of botching things when my emotions get too high.
THAT’s a skill i need to know – and learn it quick so damages are minimalized!
Hi, Yochannah,
I can SO relate to where you are at! I was never taught to control my emotions while I was growing up either (for me it was anger). I think girls, especially, have a real hard time wiht this. We are already high-strung and emotional as it is, right? LOL
I learned that for me to successfully teach my children how to do so, I would need to learn it in a hurry. God was gracious to help me. The first step is recognizing that there is a need, and you are already there! I highly recommend a book entitled The Other Side of Love by Gary Chapman. It, along with prayer, changed my life! It was not instantaneous, but it was a rapid, noticeable progress.
Now, Momma has joy and peace, not anger!
If anger is your problem, please get this book, and prayerfully ask God to help you.
Anger is transferred from generation to generation. It is not the legacy we want leave for our children.
I taught myself to knit during our first year of marriage b/c my husband told me I needed a hobby!
I’m a terrible sewer despite taking numerous classes. I’ve decided just to give up on sewing. Both my husband and I are just learning about gardening. I’m still not very good at cleaning, but I’m getting better!
I am so glad to know I’m not the only one! My mom was not in the picture past my 2nd birthday, so it just my dad and me. I got married at 20 and hadn’t a clue how to do a think besides basic laundry. I managed to learn cooking and baking before I moved out at least, but actual homemaking is a complete mystery to me. Now 10 years and five children later I’m trying hard to figure it out. I’ve squeaked out a few basic sewing projects and now have meal planning down pretty well. I keep trying to garden and though I have a ways to go I enjoy the process and the harvests when I get them! I only have one daughter, but I sure hope to be able to teach her more than what I learned before she runs her own home. Thanks for the encouraging post. It is so nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles in these areas!
Thank you for this post, it has really got me thinking. I’m going to make a list of skills I’d like to be able to teach my daughter – and learn some I don’t possess.
I love the fact that there are so many others out there who struggle with being a homemaker – gives me hope. I can cook, sew, knit and have a garden but cleaning is my biggest issue, always something else I can do instead of cleaning.
I also have two sons and I want to teach them to keep a house too. How nice for a wife to have a husband one day that will be able to assist her with keeping house. Cleaning, washing, cooking, taking out the rubbish without being asked and so much more. I am hoping one day that I have a daughter-in-law who appreciates that her husband is such a wonderful help around the house. That’s what I’m thinking about now as I train my three year old son the art of vacuuming. It is inspiring me to do better.
I can relate, too, I learned zero skills growing up. Here I am at 51 and I have just discovered spray starch for ironing! Isn’t it the most amazing stuff! My daughter and I have been ironing like fools since I bought it about a month ago.LOL
My daughter and I are learning together in a lot of ways.
We have our first garden this year and it is a big project. I really like it and hope it proves worth while. so far it has been super rainy this year (portland Or). But we are still excited to have some fresh picked veggies this summer.
It must be my age, (just turned 37 this week) because I’ve been longing to get back to the basics. Or better yet, master the ones I know and learn the ones I don’t. I have been an average homeschooling housewife, but feel I could do so much better. I’m an average cook, want to learn to sew, DD (8) and I taught ourselves how to crochet, but I would love to adopt the old fashioned ways of the apron wearing homemaker, and take a lot more pride and self accomplishment in what I do, and teach my DD the joy of providing a warm, clean, cheerful home. I’m glad I found this blog, and look forward to reading more!
I can so (sew…hehehe) relate! I was married at 23 and ALSO hand buttons to replace to my husband. I am a remedial homemaker in this area. Maybe I’ll take a class, too. You’re perked my interest…
I am 48 years old, don’t know how to sew and have not plans to learn how. Took home economics in 7th grade, only because it was female gender required. Received a D in both cooking and sewing. In eighth grade, the law changed, and we had the choice to take home economics or industrial arts (woods and metals and drafting). I took industrial arts and ended up with A’s. Interesting.
I appreciate this post very much! I have been married for 12 years and I can cook and bake but I struggle with other things. I can’t sew.. a class is a great idea! I have a sewing machine that does nothing more then collect dust. My garden is a work in process and I do put up some food.. salsa, jams, etc… I want to take is all up a step though.
As a homeschooling mom I have found that I like to plan but I struggle with follow through.. and as you mentioned, the husbands notice this. I also hope to gain the title of Homemaker because I want OUT of the remedial class!
Thank you for your confession. I am trying my best to learn the things I never was taught, but sometimes I just feel so behind in life and it is discouraging. I think I’ll take some time to recount some of the things I HAVE learned instead of dwelling always on what I am not yet.