If I only had a dime for every time a disbelieving woman has looked at me and said, “I can barely survive with two–how do you manage with eight? You’re a *better* woman than me.” (What does that mean, anyway?)
I can assure you…I have no virtue or special gifting…in fact, I am daily reminded of how inadequate I am as a mother and wife. I don’t choose to allow the Lord to enlarge our family because I’m *good* at it.
And though I love being a mom, I wouldn’t want to pretend that it’s dreamy all the time. This is hard work! However, it is not as hard as some perceive it when we fully understand the workings of a home.
As the role of women in the home has been undermined, we have lost the “how-to” keys.
One of the main missing elements of the keeper at home is the understanding that above all else, she is a MANAGER.
I think when people see my children and me together, when they get through counting 
, they imagine a one-woman show and then their head blows off.
We’ve become accustomed to the idea that to mother children is to essentially do all the work ourselves, “sparing” our little ones the burdensome, awful tasks that are ours.
But when homemaking is embraced as a vital part of life, and underneath the work we can find a deep sense of privilege, then part of that privilege includes sharing it with our children, which lightens the load and transfers a profound sense of belonging in their hearts. “Work” becomes what it is…a normal, healthy part of life; and our children aren’t steam-rolled as adults with that reality.
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You are so right! I’ve had to really rely on my children to pull their own weight and they are pretty cheerful about it. It think it shapes them into responsible human beings that can take care of themselves and others. I’m teaching my daughter that home making is the way we bless those in our lives. A job well done benefits everyone and reminds us of how faithfully and tenderly our Good Shepherd takes care of us
Thanks for the re-enforcement. Sometimes I need to be reminded that chores are a gift.
Great article- I agree 100%. When we first began this journey I had the false impression that a woman did have to do it all. That leads to a very crazy, frustrating, and unfulfilling life. One woman can’t do it all and furthermore, children will likely not be very productive adults unless they are trained from the time they are young. It’s interesting that people who have a child-worship mentality and don’t believe in burdening children at a young age at all, and encourage lots of recreational self-serving activities, are the same ones who bad-mouth them once they turn eighteen or nineteen and call them irresponsible, lazy, and selfish. Is that fair? You don’t train them and help them to be productive and selfless, and at a magical age they are expected to shine and somehow have acquired those skills?
well said
Even though I only have 4, my thoughts have always been that with such able-bodied smart help as what I had, there was never a reason NOT to have a tidy home! A family is a team, exactly as you’ve said, who work together to accomplish so many goals in life! I enjoyed your post today and am enjoying this blog- it is such a blessing!
GREAT post!! NOW, what I would love to see is an expansion on this ~ a guide to developing this in my own household!!
OOOOH YAY! I love this post! I only have two, but I’ve had a hard time letting to of my need to control and have things my way – and have worn myself down to a frazzle. DUH!!! But my girls are eager to help and as I’ve allowed them to start pitching in my attitude has improved. Amazing how that works! GOOD post – great points – thank you for the reminder!
Very true! I am amazed at how many women can’t do some of the simplest homemaking things~ we HAVE lost our “how-to” keys. Lets get them back!! Great words to inspire a back-to-the-basics revolution! Keep up the good work within your own home.
I totally agree. I was actually just talking with my children about the idea of managers yesterday. We’ve also been talking about the concept of work. So many have turned it into a bad word. It’s not bad. God created work long before the fall. It was the fall the made work for hard for all of us. But even in the midst of the hard work, there is blessing. we’ve dedicated our summer to get back to the basics of working hard and doing it with a joyful heart.
Reading here has shown me how far I have to go, in order to be able to teach my future daughters to be homemakers. I am woefully lacking in so many skills. I have decided to start a blog chronicling my journey to becoming a better homemaker. I welcome all who wish to join me in this journey or those who have already traveled this road who wish to encourage or guide us.
Justine
allaboutthehomefront.blogspot.com
I either get “you are crazy, or you are a Saint”. I tell them I’m neither! I’m obedient and God gives me what I need when i need it.
Thank you for this! I totally agree, I can’t tell you how many times I’m told (as a mother of only 5, with one on the way…) that I must have the patience of a saint, or how organized I must be, or that I’m a better person than she… Truth is, I rely on my kids… a LOT. I’ve worked very, VERY hard to train them, and that makes all of the difference in the world. Children need to understand and appreciate that they’re part of a team far more important than any sports team out there… they’re part of a family. And that requires hard work, dedication, and sacrifice. But the rewards are oh! so worth it!!
This is great!! I have seven children with one more on the way. While there is often persecution for having a “large” family, I do enjoy when people are genuinely curious about how we “do it all”. I tell them that my world does not revolve around my children, they learn to be patient very quick, and we all are working together as a family to run everything smoothly.
We are taking the skills suggested earlier this week on this blog and applying them this summer. The girls are going to learn to clean their room and one other room in the house. We’ll go from there.
Kelly,
Great post! I agree that it is a blessing to have our children working beside us and it is also a great blessing to know that they can run the house if need be. Now that my youngest is 14 I can really see what a blessing they are in their ability to help. I feel it most when they are all down with their asthma and everything falls to me. It makes me appreciate them all much more. I can’t imagine trying to do it all by myself all of the time.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Lora
In our house work is done by everyone and everyone contributes- it’s part of being a family! We all work together to keep our house moving along joyfully.
Love this post! I’m a mother of 3 very young little one (3 years old and under) and got to say, it’s easier with 2 then 1 and even more with 3 instead then 1.
When people ask me why is more easier, well our oldest toddlers is a great helps, she is very good at doing chores but also a great entertainer!!! When she was the only child we got all my attention need to be on her (she loves her Mama’s attention that doing meals and chore were almost impossible!!)
But now she loves playing with her little sisters, taking care of them and making them laugh, while she does this I have time to cook and clean up!
Thanks for sharing your perceptive!
This is so true. I have many many nieces and nephews. The ones who live in families who have chores for each family member are so much happier and able to help more then the kids who’s parents simple do it all for them.
I’ve seen this come into play as I recovered from our last blessing’s birth. I had taught my older children what to expect and they picked up the load (whatever they could do) that I had laid down to rest. It came in handy to have my 8yo daughter and 7yo son cooking breakfast for everyone. It was such a relief to know that things were taken care of.
Great article! I keep telling my girls that it is better to learn what I am trying to teach them now instead of still trying to figure it out when they are 33 like I am. I admit I still don’t know the best way to clean, cook, etc., but as I learn better ways, I’m teaching the girls so they don’t have to struggle like I did/do.
I get the same response all the time! We have five, eight to a year old. I couldn’t do it without the their help.
Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling that this is so right and is the way things were supposed to be, but when it actually come to asking my girls to work along side me, or help out, I kept feeling guilty, like maybe I shouldn’t be asking them to help so much. This post pulled everything together for me. Thank you so much!
I agree, but I have failed thus far in being a good manager, and I came from a home that lacked good management and I want that for my home. I don’t know how to do it, or at least how to implement what I know needs to be done. I just keep hoping it will happen. I need to get busy instead of hope.
My oldest turned six this weekend and I am amazed…AMAZED…at how excited he is for the newest chores he’s been given. He announced yesterday that he loves cleaning the bathroom. Seriously!?!? We are going to make an awesome housecleaning team, my boy and me. Not to mention my three year old daughter who is a mini-me, begging for new ways to help. LOVE this post – I passed it on to a couple of girlfriends.
I love this! A very good description of what I try to do. Thank you for this post.
Great article! I was at the pediatrician’s office last week for my newborn’s first check-up since leaving the hospital. From behind the closed door of one of the examination rooms, I heard two babies crying. “Oh, twins,” I thought. Imagine my surprise when Mom, Dad and Grandma emerged, each carrying a chubby 3 month old. TRIPLETS! Everyone in the waiting room just stared. I mean that literally. All politeness aside, we just stared. One of the other moms burst our staring bubble by laughing at herself and the rest of us because of this. She remarked how she has her hands full with just the one. The father of the triplets turns around with a big smile on his face and says, “It’s not that bad, really. It’s a challenge, but it’s not that bad.”
Now, who better than him to have triplets!? What a great attitude!
I get the “you must have your hands full” comment and I only have a 4, 2, and newborn. “Better full than empty,” is a response I like to give.
Concerning the “you’re a better woman than me” comment, I think it stems from many women deep down would like to stay home and raise babies, many babies, but it is such a foreign thing these days. I think many women feel they have to settle for one or two just to make it through life. I’m not saying that’s true, just a thought, a hypothesis on my end.
Mmmm…with two kids two and under I look forward to the days when I’ll be a manager…
Good point, I know that as my children grow and can help around the house, it won’t be so hard. I hope to have a large family, too, but I often think, ‘If I can’t keep up with my house with two kids, how will I be with five or six, especially if we homeschool?’
Thank you so much for your humility. Sometimes when I run into moms of many, they have an air of superiority and often dismiss me as having anything worthy to say about kids because I only have two.
These are my thoughts exactly! My husband and I have eight children. Our oldest daughter is married and we now also have a grandson. Our family is a team and we work together on many things. Cleaning house, cooking, repairing, singing, homeschooling….and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We feel abundantly blessed to have our children. In a day where many people think two is plenty, I feel like I have a secret blessing that so many are missing! and all because they have been decieved by the idea that children are better seen and not heard. They truly are a GIFT form GOD! Malissa
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