Have you looked at the calendar? The holidays are approaching and it’s time to plan the hospitality you plan to extend. I can almost hear you groan when I say the “h” word. Before you quit reading let me make this clear: hospitality is not about having a frou-frou party with petit fours, a stringed quartet softly playing Bach, and guests walking around in period clothing. I am referring to good, old fashioned humble hospitality.
Today it is in vogue to entertain and to it with panache! There are numerous programs showing us ways to make a perfect soufflé and design the most intricate table-scape for your party. In all the shows I have watched, and I do love a good cooking show, not one has told me how to cultivate humble hospitality.
So, in an attempt to rectify this oversight, I want to boil humble hospitality down to three parts for you to use if you’re having a quiet, intimate afternoon tea with friends or a thanksgiving banquet with your entire family! Here are three ways to ensure that your hospitality remains a humble act of service.
What Lingers in Their Memories
Preparing your Heart Karen Mains says, “Hospitality is not what we have; it is who we are.” Mothers, the first lesson on hospitality you can train your daughters on is the “who we are” lingers in our guests memory so much longer than “what we have”. This summer, after a speaking engagement in Denver, my husband, I, and another couple were supper guests of a large family. What I clearly remember about this family was their lavish love for the brethren which spilled over on us in the form of simple food, sweet conversation, and preformed music they had written to worship God. As I think back on that balmy June evening, I realize they gave us the very best of what they had through who they were and it bore the unmistakable fragrance of the Lord.
As we train our daughters to be homemakers, we want them to comprehend this; most of the work that takes place for entertaining takes place in the hidden portions of our heart. A heart attitude of humble hospitality can be difficult to cultivate and, from my experience, two things that get in the way are pride (my home isn’t good enough) and selfishness (I don’t have time). How do we rid ourselves of these pesky obstacles? I suggest that before opening your home, purposefully give this event to the Lord and ask Him to bathe your thinking in what is true. The verses I meditate on to set my mind straight are 1 Peter 4:9, Romans 12:10-13 and Hebrews 13:2. It is only when every thought is taken captive and replaced with what is true that we can change having to fix a meal to getting to serve a meal to your guests.
Preparing Your Home
My husband and I have lived for 26 years in a big 93 year old farmhouse which has been in the family for four generations. Shortly after we moved into this home, we gave handed ownership of it over to the Lord. Our house is His home. We have dedicated this space to be used for His glory. Since that day we have hosted countless guests overnight, Bible studies, church services, meals, potlucks, baptisms, birthday parties, and holiday meals. After my heart is in order, I then must make sure my home is in order. Here is another training opportunity for your daughters in homemaking. Work with her to prepare the home for visitors. Extending hospitality is beneficial for the whole family on so many levels! Before the party:
Kitchen
1. Counters and stove-top in kitchen clean and clear.
2. All the dirty dishes and pots and pans washed and put away. Dishwasher empty.
3. Kitchen trash emptied.
4. Refrigerator space available. Quick wipe up of any spills inside.
5. Kitchen floor swept.
Table
1. Table totally set.
2. Plan on how to serve food. Buffet? Have a flow in mind. Family Style? Have bowls, serving utensils and platters neatly stacked for plating food.
Bathroom
1. A quick cleaning of the toilet and surrounding area with a spray cleaner.
2. A quick cleaning of the mirror, bathroom counters, and sink.
3. Toilet Paper/ Tissue – even if they are half full, replace it with a brand new one.
4. Brand new hand towel, filled hand soap dispenser.
5. Light a candle.
The Food
Preparing the Food Planning and preparing the menu is the point where most of us just throw up our hands and wonder what we have gotten ourselves into! To make this part of the process less painful, develop a repertoire of easy to prepare in advance meals. Note the words EASY and IN ADVANCE. For me, the whole key is to have as much done the day before as possible so that I can then focus on my heart, my prepared home, and my guests.
Here is one of my favorite, no fail, and do ahead recipes:
Meme’s Roast
• 1 5-6lb beef roast
• Cream of mushroom soup
• 1 pkg. instant onion soup
• 1 ¼ cup water
• 1 pkg. baby carrots
• 2 onions quartered
Place roast in slow cooking crock. Nestle baby carrots around the roast. Mix together mushroom soup, instant soup, and water. Place quartered onions on top of the roast and carrots. Pour soup mixture over all. Cook for 3-4 hours on high or cook for 8-10 hours on low. Serve with brown and serve rolls, mashed potatoes, and corn. One of my family’s favorites!
Humble hospitality involves careful preparation of your heart, your home, and the food and leaves your guests with a clearer picture of who/whose you are rather than what you have.
Do you all have any tips to share with us regarding how to make hospitality easier?
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautifully written. I believe you are so right: hospitality begins by preparing our hearts to serve. Thank you for such a thoughtfully written summary. I love the picture I have of the tender preparations you make for your guests. It is truly an exercise in humility to practice hospitality in the name of the Lord.
THANK YOU!!! This is a really great article! Since most of the suggestions listed here is what I already put into practice with my daughter, the Lord has used it to confirm that I am on the right track in training my little future homemaker! What a blessing!
Can’t wait to visit your site, Shelly. Great article! I have a lot of growing to do in this area myself, but if I could offer my two cents…First of all, in the arena of getting ready to offer hospitality, I’ve always struggled with being organized. Some people call it pride, and I don’t really think that is what it is, but I don’t want to have people over when my house is a mess, no matter how expensive my house and belongings are (and I consider myself to be very blessed with a nice home). To make a long story short, I discovered (through flylady.com) that my biggest obstacles to being organized are getting rid of all the clutter (room by room, EVERYTHING I don’t need use or love), and developing a daily routine. Now, I WANT to have people over! Anyway, my second tip I actually got from a link-up to this site, Just Peachy in Dixie. She has a recipe for a peach cobbler that is both outstanding and super-easy to make. It’s something that you can easily keep the ingredients on hand (canned peaches, flour baking soda, salt, butter) and assemble in five minutes and pop into the oven. I got rave reviews on that dessert.
Thanks for your tips and that recipe looks yummy! If you fee like it, go to http://www.facebook/PumpkinSeedPress and post this recipe to enter! Here is what I have cooking
Calling All Cooks!
Would you please join the discussion? I really need recipes that are easy and appropriate to cook with the budding chef. Enter your ideas and recipes and see how I plan on “sweetening the pot”!
Thank you so much for this! One thing I always try to do is have a simple snack or treat ready to go for unexpected company. It can be as simple as some frozen hors d’oeuvres ready to pop in the oven. This allows me to enjoy my company without feeling like thy are being neglected while I prepare a snack.
I love to have ladies over for a cup of tea and some fresh sweet bread. It is so easy to do – and all you need is a loaf of banana, pumpkin, or strawberry (whatever) bread and some hot water. What lady doesn’t love tea!? It is easy to do and a wonderful way to show love for a sister!
Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves by insisting that we do all the food. Most guests would love to help bring a dish. This also makes them feel included and not a burden to you.
For the last couple years for Thanksgiving we ask each family to bring a family favorite Thanksgiving side dish and a pie. Most bring even more. We end up with a wonderful variety of pies. Every family likes something and all feel included in preparing the feast.
Love this idea!
I love having people into my home…most of them, at least! Would you be willing to write another post (or comment) on hospitality to a Christian friend that chooses to allow their children to tear apart your children’s rooms and playroom, ruin their toys, whine, fight, and bring a sense of chaos to your own home in the process? What is my responsibility? What should I do if I have lovingly confronted this friend about the situation, and they see no problem with that behavior in their children? (They’re just being kids…) Can I biblically justify protecting my home and children from their influence? Or is this just plain old-fashioned selfishness and pride because it causes so much trouble for me? My home isn’t nickety-neat, but I work hard to keep it functionally neat and clean for our large family and for a considerable number of friends who drop by for encouragement and counsel over a cup of coffee. I feel like my life and ministry are put on hold for two days every time this family is over.
Rebecca, I absolutely know what you are saying and have to smile because I have experienced this as well. My belief is just as there is heart attitude in which you offer hospitality, there must also be a heart attitude in how hospitality is received. When I am a guest in a persons home, either here or in another country, their rules and boundaries are respected. This mutual honoring is vital for each party involved.
Sometimes with friends, we are hesitant to voice and reinforce gently those boundaries. If you have done this, and it is not received, don’t get angry. Realize that perhaps serving your friend in the manner of opening up your home is not beneficial for you or your family. Even hospitality, offered humbly and with a servants heart has godly limits.
Great tips!
One thing I make sure to do is have the tv off!
This is something so many people forget since many people have it on all day long. It is just plain rude to have the tv, it detracts from the good conversation among friends.
This is lovely. I’ll be sure to pass the link to friends who have little daughters.
Thank you for a wonderful article, Shelley; I particularly enjoyed your practical checklist of things that you do to prepare for guests. My husband and I live in Asia, and hospitality is a regular part of what we do. I also related to the comment above about the family whose children run wild and tear apart the house. I regularly have this experience on Tuesday evenings when some other moms come over for a Bible study. My children often complain after everyone leaves, it’s already late, and we have to spend an hour putting the girls’ room back together. But, I try to encourage them (and remind myself) that we are trying to show Jesus’ love to these people. It is worth a little clean-up in order to impact these moms’ hearts (many who are not believers).
I also agree that hospitality begins in the heart. It is wonderful to welcome people into a clean and neat, fragrant and warm place, but more important is a welcoming attitude that says, “I’m glad you took time to be here. It is a blessing for us that you have come.” I often have guests “drop by” and though I have to check my attitude sometimes at the “interruption,” I hope it is because they feel welcome and at home in our home.
One tip I have learned: I often keep baked goods like cookies or bars in my freezer. I have several favorite recipes that freeze beautifully and it is simple to pull out a dozen or so, place on a pretty platter, and in 15 minutes they are thawed and soft again, ready to go along with that cup of tea or coffee.
Thanks again for the article. I think I need to post on my own blog about this sometime soon!
This is a wonderful and timely post with the holidays coming up quickly. I loved the advice of being prepared in advance with easy meals. That crock pot roast is a favorite around here too. There are rarely any leftovers
Blessings,
Marcia
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